Selfish Giving

"You're wonderful because giving others pleasure is in the first place a pleasure to you."
"Yes, it's a form of selfishness."
"The most enchanting form there is."

Simone de Beauvoir writes the above in "The Woman Destroyed," and I see myself again returning to the question of whether it is morally acceptable to metaphorically send oneself flowers. This scene from Simone's book isn't exactly the same, but it brings up complications. Monique, the giver in the story, has given up her whole life for the sake of her family. She quits her studies to raise her daughters and shortly after they both leave home, her husband has an affair.

She lets him continue, even while she knows about it, and tries to distract herself. She spends time at her daughter's house while she recovers from the flu, even though her duaghter doesn't really need her. This form of giving becomes a burden on the daughter. So if you're giving and the receiver doesn't want, but you keep giving for your own needs/pleasure/ego, well then there is a problem.

And so the story is like the lady in that Yoga Journal article that Slate so clearly points out as a case of sending oneself flowers, even at the expense of another.

And of course it brings the question of personal boundaries... if Monique had not given up her own pursuits for those shared with her husband, then it seems her fate would have come out differently. Maurice, her husband, is as bad as Thomas from "The Unbearable Lightness of Being." (well, okay, I haven't finished "A Woman Destroyed" yet, but I'm guessing he's going to be.)