My Last Week at Can Serrat

I am at the writer's residence, and it's great, but all in English. International, so that's the common language. Norwegian is the second most common. Seems odd, but the residence is owned by Norwegian artists. No one's first language is Spanish. Well, one guy was born in Chile, but has been living in Norway for 30 years. I try to speak with him, but it's so easy to lapse into English when both are better at it.

So, now I'm wondering, why did I come here? Not a regret kind of wonder, but really, what was I seeking? Just to get away? To write? To learn Spanish? Now that I'm here I really can't remember what I was thinking. I think it was to learn Spanish, but now tha I’m here I’ve been focusing on my writing. It’s easy to forget.

Where should I go? Should I really try to get an apartment and stay a year? Should I just travel all over Europe and spend all my money and go home in a couple/few months? If I get an apartment, will I be able to get good at Spanish? What if my mates aren't ever home? What if they are mean? What if they are dirty? What if they are stupid or annoying? Would it be better to find a language program? My grammar is REALLY rusty. I kind of think that maybe I'll just stay a month or two, and take a program. Seems like formal study would be better than just hanging out. Plus, I don't want to be idle for so long. I like structure. I really like to be busy, and it's hard here because I don't have a printer for applications/reading stuff, I don't have any of my craft stuff to keep me busy either.

I miss my life in SD, but I wonder if I go back if I'll be unhappy again. Maybe if I just go for a few months and choose something else to try. I am not really stressed out, but all these thoughts are definitely on my mind. I have less than a week left at the residence, and I know it’ll go fast.

I miss the USA. But I haven’t spoken Spanish at all. I kind of want to go back, but like I said, will I just be unhappy all over again? I miss having a car, even though I hate driving daily, it's nice to have on occasion. I miss health food and health food stores and natural products.

I’m focusing now on the next step from here... feeling like things are not falling into place as quickly as I’d prefer. So, I’m trying to breathe deep and trust and manifest.

The beastie boys are no gurus, but they have really good line: "let it go, let yourself flow, slow and low, that is the tempo." I start more meditations with that than I’d like to admit. Is there a term for pop-meditation? Kind of suits me and my wackiness, I guess.

What I have planned for now is to spend two weeks in Seville and two weeks in Granada, attending language school in both places. After that, I will meet up with some friends of the family who are in Northern Spain (from Australia). I went to elementary school with the two boys in Texas, and I will travel with the parents for a few days up north.

Language school is much more expensive than just getting an apartment and kicking it, but I think I will enjoy my time better and get a lot more out of it.

Besides, I’m too old to live here on the downlow. I’d rather study up, return to the USA, and move here legit, with things all worked out, with a job, a destination, a visa… and an income.