When I Rule the World

For all the single ladies

2009-11-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

I've developed the perfect system for last names. A matriarchal line & a patriarchal line - everyone has two last names.

Ladies, you would have been born "You Middlename Yourmomsmaidenname Fatherslastname." Then you get married and become "You Middlename Yourmomsmaidenname Hislastname." Your husband would have been "Husband Middlename Hismomsmaidenname Hislastname" and after marriage would be "Husband Middlename Yourmomsmaidenname Hislastname.

The beautiful part is that you, the woman, are always filed under "Yourmomsmaidenname" and he is always filed under "Hislastname." Men are always filed under the patriarchal name, women under the matriarchal name.

You never have to wonder "Did I already change my name at the dentist's office?" It doesn't really matter. Plus, you will always share at least one name with both parents, because your parents would share the two last names of "Yourmomsmaidenname Fatherslastname." No more wondering who's related to who - it's all in the name. It is the perfect genealogical system.

Yes, life would be good.

Alegra's Endorsements

2008-10-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

PRESIDENT, UNITED STATES
Barack Obama OR Ralph Nader*
*Though I have been campaigning for Barack Obama, Ralph Nader has my heart. Biden comes in a close second, though. The tough part is deciding if I should vote conservatively with my safe and close second choice, or vote with my truest ideals. I'm still undecided.

UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES**
50th DISTRICT Nick Leibham
51st DISTRICT Bob Filner
53rd DISTRICT Susan Davis

STATE SENATE**
39th DISTRICT Christine Kehoe

STATE ASSEMBLY**
66th DISTRICT Grey Frandsen
76th DISTRICT Lori Saldana
77th DISTRICT Raymond Lutz
78th DISTRICT Marty Block
80th DISTRICT Manuel Perez

SAN DIEGO CITY ATTORNEY
Mike Aguirre*
*Both candidates have some... shall we say discrepencies. Aguirre at least shares my value in the ends he is striving for (just not the means).

SAN DIEGO CITY COUNCIL**
1st DISTRICT Sheri Lightner
3rd DISTRICT Steven Whitburn
7th DISTRICT Marti Emerald

CITY OF CARLSBAD**
City Council - Tom Arnold and Keith Blackburn

CITY OF CHULA VISTA**
City Council - Steve Castaneda

CITY OF ENCINITAS**
City Council - Maggie Houlihan, Rachelle Collier, and Robert Nanninga

CITY OF ESCONDIDO**
City Council - Olga Diaz

CITY OF LEMON GROVE**
City Council - George Gastil

CITY OF NATIONAL CITY**
City Council - Mona Rios and Alejandra Sotelo-Solis

CITY OF OCEANSIDE**
Mayor - Jim Wood
City Council - Esther Sanchez and Charles Lowery

Ballot Measures**

State of California

Proposition 1A - High Speed Rail Bonds - YES
Proposition 2 - Sustainable Farming Practices - YES
Proposition 3 - $2 Billion Children's Hospital Bond - NO
Proposition 4 - Parental Notification - NO
Proposition 5 - Nonviolent Offenders Sentencing and Rehabilitation - Yes
Proposition 6 - Anti-Gang Penalties (Runner initiative) - No
Proposition 7 - "Renewable" Energy Generation - NO
Proposition 8 - Constitutional Amendment Limiting the Rights of Gay Citizens - NO
Proposition 9 - Victims' Rights, Reduction of Parole Hearings - No
Proposition 10 - "Alternative" Fuel Vehicles - NO
Proposition 11 - Redistricting - No
Proposition 12 - Veterans' Bond - {Not Enough Information}

San Diego County

Proposition B - San Diego Unified Port District - Cities of Chula Vista, Coronado, Imperial Beach, National City and San Diego
- Marine Freight Preservation - NO

Proposition C - City of San Diego - Mission Bay lease revenue - YES

Proposition O - City of San Marcos - General Plan Amendments - YES

Proposition S - San Diego Unified School District - $2.1 Billion Bonds for improvements - NO

**These endorsements are primarily based on a matrix I created that compiles a number of endorsements from organizations with which I share similar values and also which, in my opinion, have a strong track record of thorough and unbiased endorsements, initiatives, and missions.

These include and are weighted towards, but are not limited to:
Sierra Club & Sierra Club of San Diego (I love the Sierra Club)
Green Party of California & San Diego (I'm not a Democrat, you know)
City Beat (collective sigh of relief for a truly liberal news source in SD County)

News Sources which inform my own opinions (not a complete list):
Sierra Magazine, and Hi Sierra Magazine (I also love Sierra Magazines)
NPR/KPBS (most balanced source of news in town, and thorough coverage)
Salon.com (great articles on politics, from funny to whistleblowing)

No on Prop 8

2008-10-28T22:16:00.000-07:00

Erin says:

I feel very strongly about voting No on Prop 8.

I am writing this not only to reach out to everyone and urge you to vote No on Prop 8, but also hopefully to provide some talking points and facts for speaking with friends and family about this proposition, and please DO speak to friends and family abut this.

If you don't have the money to donate for TV ads, use the voice that you do have. Talk to everyone you know, give them facts and dis-spell myths, then ask them to talk to everyone THEY know. I know that most of us don't have the millions of dollars it takes to bombard the public with television commercials(the mormon church alone has donated over half of the more than 40 million that has gone into the yes on 8 ads), but what we do have is the grassroots power to talk to each other.

When the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same sex marriage back in May, I was proud... proud to live in this progressive state, a state that values and protects an individual's right to life, liberty and most importantly their right to pursue happiness.

What is going on now is disheartening, the yes on 8 campaign has launched a well funded and faith based smear campaign that diverts attention from the actual proposition and misleads viewers to believe that prop 8 will educate kids about homosexuality in public schools, and that churches will lose their non-profit standing. Both of these points are completely false, but I suppose it is pretty hard to run a campaign that is asking people to vote FOR discrimination. No matter how you feel personally about gay marriage writing discrimination into our California constitution is wrong.

Just in case you, or anyone you speak with is grappling over whether this is really the right thing to do, I would like to reference miscegenation laws. Miscegenation laws banned the marriage of interracial couples until the case of Loving V. Virginia overturned those laws in 1967. Almost 20 years before that- in 1948- California was the first and only state to throw out statewide miscegenation laws.

In 1948 the California Supreme Court held that "marriage is ... something more than a civil contract subject to regulation by the state; it is a fundamental right of free men ... Legislation infringing such rights must be based upon more than prejudice and must be free from oppressive discrimination to comply with the constitutional requirements of due process and equal protection of the laws". The California Supreme Court further explained that "the right to marry is the right to join in marriage with the person of one's choice". That quote is so powerful that I have to give it it's own separate line, I want to scream it from a California mountain top.

"THE RIGHT TO MARRY IS THE RIGHT TO JOIN IN MARRIAGE WITH THE PERSON OF ONE'S CHOICE"

Just as 1967 seems quite late in our history to have waited to finally, and legally state that interracial marriage could not legally be denied to two willing parties. Similarly, 2008 seems like it has been a long time coming to finally say that the constitution protects everyone's right to marry, and does not discriminate based on sexual orientation.

In case you have come across some people who have dragged religion into this, here is a fun quote from the sitting judge for the Lovings, years before their case was finally taken to the supreme court.

"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."

Sounds oddly similar to 'God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman'.

The reason that Loving V. Virginia was able to overturn miscegenation laws in this country was not because it was a popular idea, but because it was found that no matter what a popular vote decided, it was unconstitutional to deny two persons the right to marry because it infringed on their due process as well as equal protection under the law.

The constitution is not the bible, nor should it be treated as such, and vice versa. Religious arguments that cite the bible are completely out of context with the issue at hand. The issue is discrimination, and we have a long history in this country. The bible should not be used as justification for personal discrimination, and furthermore has no place as a justification for writing discrimination into the constitution.

Please- I urge you, aside from taking your voice to the polls on Nov 4th, please take it to everyone you know. Talk to friends and family, write an e-mail(or just copy and paste this one, you have my full permission), and volunteer at your local No on 8 phone banks.

Do every little thing you can to stand up strong in this fight against discrimination, and protect ALL families by voting NO on 8.

Further Reading:
http://www.sdcitybeat.com/cms/story/detail/something_smells/7431/

(Thank you, Erin, for the eloquently written email.)

If GOP wins, just kill me quickly.

2008-10-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

History of Biology

2008-04-23T13:32:00.001-07:00

We will begin with the definition of "biology," the study of life. "Bio" means "life," and "-ology" is "the study of," both taken from the Greek. This is an appropriate place to start, as the formal study of life is typically traced back to the Greek academy.

Of course the study of life must go well beyond the Greeks as part of human history. It is hard to imagine that humans have not studied life since they came into existence. For example, the first archaeological record of agricultural endeavors dates back 10,000 years. It seems that agriculture would not have been possible without studying life. Yet we have no record of how that knowledge was passed on, and so biology as we know it can not be credited to that point in history. And of course most myths and creation stories are metaphors for observations of the natural world, but again it is not parallel to biology as we know it, instead it was more of a pre-cursor.

The structured approach to the study of life that we know as biology was started in ancient Greece, approximately 500 BC. This was the when the first medical school was created, and where Hippocrates and Aristotle wrote their treatises on anatomy and medicine. Other cultures at this time (like the Egyptians, Chinese, Arabs, and Persians, among others) also had sophisticated approaches to medicine, with vast knowledge of herbs and remedies, but they did not create the system to transmit this knowledge as the Greeks did, and hence lost their chance to define biology.

During the European Renaissance (approximately the 1600s) there was a surge of interest in the natural sciences, biology included with alchemy (the pre-cursor to chemistry), herbalism and medicine, and naturalism, which persists to this day as a subsidiary of biology based on observation of the natural world instead of testing.

During the 1700s and 1800s the world of biology became smaller and therefore larger. That is to say microscopes were invented and microbiology became a new field. Science was continually becoming more sophisticated and chemistry and botany became more important fields, as well as taxonomy.

In the 1900s experimental biology was beginning to emerge, defining fields such as organic chemistry, experimental physiology, cell theory, embryology, germ theory, evolution, and biogeography. These fields became stronger and even more specialized in the 21st century; the focusing in became more sophisticated in fields like molecular biology, biotechnology, and genetics, but there was also a broadening back in the spirit of the naturalists, and fields evolved such has ecology and conservation biology that focus on the bigger picture.

Time to buy a yacht... quick!

2008-03-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

Seeking Co-Working in San Diego

2008-01-18T14:51:00.000-08:00

I recently discovered the Hat Factory in San Francisco. Well, I didn't really discover so much as hear about it. Err, read about it. None-the-less, it left me yearning for a space to write my own. Affordable, communal, functional, inspiring.

I had recently read about a latchkey office in Sorrento Valley, which I thought was a more corporate version, but actually they are more of just an address and phone service. Either way, it doesn't really have the same inspired feel.

And then, in my hard earned google searching (okay, about 3 clicks in), I discovered Jelly!

It's a little far for me, coming from my new home in suburbia, but Jelly is one day at a time... so I'm going for it! Maybe I'll even host the next one!

In the mean time, if you are interested in forming a cool co-working space in the Sorrento Valley area, please email or post a comment!

Waterboarding/Repetitive Drowning/American Water Torture

2008-01-03T15:55:00.000-08:00

David Said:

I think it was Jon Stewart who said that "waterboarding" sounds like something you did for vacation.

Obviously, I haven't been alone in my concern: NPR ran a story about the naming of this torture practice being deceiving a few months back. "Drowning Simulation" was the best candidate but was thrown out because waterboarding IS technically drowning as the lungs fill up with water. Since then I've been thinking and apparently so has NPR. Today I heard them use "Controlled Drowning," but it still didn't sound right. It sounds too safe, too benign. So I now suggest: "Repetitive Drowning." It's concise and descriptive.

If you agree with me that America doesn't torture, i.e. in that idealistic parallel universe you learned about in 8th grade history, let's start calling it like we see it.

Alegra Said:

Wow... I didn't realized that's what water boarding was. All this time and I thought it was more along the lines of Chinese Water Torture with the drops on your head. Both are terrible, but one is so much more actively violent. I have a suggestion: How about "American Water Torture"? Not as descriptive, and probably sort of inaccurate becuase other countries probably do it, too. I'd settle for either.

Have you seen "V for Vendetta?" I highly recommend it. I had an interesting conversation about rendition, torture, and other somber and disgusting subjects last night, fueled in part by a discussion of V for Vendetta. I normally can't bear to watch violent films, but V for Vendetta is beautiful (though violent), political, thoughtful, disturbing, inspiring, and just downright excellent. It contains some Repetitive Drowning scenes.

All in the name of Extraordinary Rendition... Let's call it Outsourcing Torture.

Little Coincidences

2007-12-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

As I'm sure I have mentioned, the day job isn't so thrilling,
but I joined "linkedin" (social networking for
professionals) and it allows you to auto-connect to
anyone in your address book who is already in the
network. I went ahead and did that after randomly
stumbling onto the site the other day, and there were
many connections that had been neglected for a long
time that then got an auto-email from me.

One of those was a former donor to the ecocenter. He
now works for a company called principle energy. I
had discussed with him about a year ago the
possibility of doing some writing and web development
for the company, but nothing ever came of it. When he
got my linkedin connection, he wrote to me to say
he'd been busy traveling for the new job, but that
there was still opportunity to write/work for them,
and we are going to meet up in a couple weeks. So,
the reason I thought of you was that in addition to the
funny string of coincidences, the company (principle
energy) is also a biofuels company.

So, this is the only thing I found on "principle
energy." But I sang karaoke last night and the host
made up crazy biographies for everyone as he was
calling them up to sing. My story was that I was from
Mozambique (didn't speak English, and was singing
phonetically). Kinda funny, all the little
coincidences surrounding me these days. I finally
feel like I'm re-connected to the golden thread of
synchronicity.

How to Make Bath Salts

2007-11-30T20:42:00.001-08:00

Bath salts are very easy to make, and can be made with either Epsom salts or sea salts.

Epsom salt are basically manufactured sea salt. Sea salt has many different minerals, and varies depending on which sea it comes form. Epsom salt is standardized, made in lab, and much cheaper, but has less soul than sea salt. Epsom salts are created specifically to help alleviate sore and achy muscles. Sea salts have differing medicinal properties due to the various mineral content. Sea salt has more lore attached to it, but also costs many times more than Epsom salts. I often mix them together, for the healing benefits of both.

You can make bath salts or salt scrubs, very different things. (Well, okay, only a little bit different.)

Bath salts with herbs - fill jar 3/4 to 7/8 full with salt, pour into bowl, mix in dried herbs, put back in jar; use in hot bath. You can use green tea, chamomile, rose, lavender, or many other dried herbs. You should give these away in small sachets (think about buying paper or cloth tea bags for loose tea leaves) so that the herbs won't get stuck in the drain. Alternatively, you can use a mortar and pestle to grind the herbs so they can go down the drain.

Bath salts with essential oils - fill jar 3/4 full with salt, add a few drops of essential oils (and optional few drops of base oil), shut lid and shake VERY WELL, top off with salt if desired; use in hot bath. Essential oils are extracted from various plants and plant parts. Be sure to use only the highest quality, pure oils. Many oils are made synthetically in a lab, but they are slightly chemically different than the real stuff and can be harmful or irritating.

Salt scrub - fill jar almost full with salt, fill rest of the way with oil, add a few drops of essential oils, shake well; for use as scrub in shower.

Sugar scrub - fill jar almost full with sugar, fill rest of the way with oil, add a few drops of essential oils, shake well; for use as scrub in shower.

Sugar has naturally occurring alpha-hydroxy acids, which will help to dissolve dead skin cells. They are very weak acids, so they won't irritate most people's skin, but use in moderation or on a small area first to make sure they don't cause a reaction.

Water Filtering Roads

2007-11-30T20:37:00.000-08:00

So if you have ever been to a wastewater treatment plant, the system at one point goes through what is basically a giant brita filter.

It usually goes into a big pond where they let the biggest chunks settle out and/or float to the top, then they skim both top and bottom, and then chemical treat it, and then it goes to the giant brita filter.

I couldn't find a very good picture online, but here is something kinda close:

Except it starts with the largest rocks on the top layer, and goes smaller and smaller through gravel until it gets to charcoal. Well, a road could be made like that. Large rock/gravel on top, but with a porous cover over it so it isn't like driving on a dirt road, but then through the porous cover and then through the various layers of filtering rocks.

It wouldn't do for freeways, obviously, and probably not even major city streets, but all neighborhoods could have roads like this, and even larger roads could have shoulders like this. They could also potentially filter into the water run off pipes that already exist, but the water would be filtered before it got channeled out to our lakes/rivers/streams/oceans.

Looking Forward to the Day

2007-10-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Perspective

2007-10-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

I saw that the YMCA was going to remain open most of the week, with limited hours on some days. While I have mixed feelings about this (on one hand I think they should be closed, on the other I was glad to have ap lace to get a little exercise), I decided to go in. I tried to go to a pilates or yoga class, but they were all canceled. I was understanding, after all, it is a disaster zone. But a woman came in behind me, freaking out that the class was canceled and bitching at the people behind the counter, asking them why they didn't tell her that when she called. I pointed out the fact that we are in the middle of a major fire, and that maybe it was time to be a little extra understanding. She wavered back and forth between agreeing with me, telling me "Don't tell me what to do," continuing to bitch about the situation, and defending herself. She told me she had canceled an appointment because they told her the class was happening, and if she knew she could have brought her tennis shoes like I did. (She would not have done both in reality, because she wouldn't have canceled her appointment.) I just re-emphasized that it was a time for understanding, and walked away. Can people not gain perspective for one week? I have certainly been a bitch with no justification, and I have rushed and cut people off on my way to yoga class, and I have done many other assinine and inconsiderate and self-centered things in my life. But yesterday, I did a little yoga on my own, and then used the elliptical machine. I was very appreciative that these people still came to work, so that I could exercise in a clean air facility.

Morals

2007-10-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

In high school I once saw a girl drop some money. I picked it up and took it, and then I saw that her friend saw me and told the girl who dropped it. She never approached me, and at the time I probably would have said "Finders, keepers." But now I think it was absolutely the wrong thing to do. So, I could write about it comparing the finders-keepers moral to be-a-good-neighbor moral. It becomes moral because you could make an argument that finders-keepers is an appropriate action, but everyone did that the world would be a terrible place. I actually think about this single act more than I do about the shoplifting I did during that same “bad phase” in high school.

Or even something that comes to mind - investing. I invest some of my money in socially conscious mutual funds, but not all. Marshall and I had a discussion last night. He was like "Why do you invest? To feel good about yourself? Or to make money?" We did end up having good discussion, because it is important to support things like that IMO, but you wouldn't want to put all your money in them because they don't always do as well as other stocks, but then I feel bad about even having mutual funds with Halliburton in them, and I probably do. Yet I wouldn't ever buy Halliburton stock directly. So what is moral? Should I put all my money in hippie-funds, or put it all in Halliburton, Wal-Mart, and DeBeers stocks? Obviously, both are extreme, and I am somewhere in the middle, and a small percent of money in conscious funds can just be part of diversification. But is it moral?

Actually, everything is moral. Turning of the water while you brush teeth is a moral act, just as not turning it off is. Taking a long commute by car, or taking the time to bike and train.

After the Fires

2007-10-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

So, apparently everyone has been at work all week. So strange. I feel like people should be at home, a sort of mass contemplation. But no, I see UCSD students partying and getting drunk beneath the smoky skies, and everyone going to work like normal, or even extra agitated because of the stress and feeling like they are important, and people just generally taking the opportunity to party and go out to eat and go shopping because they don't have to work. It's disturbing. No sense of conservation, in any meaning of the word. No effort to reduce car pollution since smoke pollution is way up, no effort to conserve energy since firefighters are using lots, no effort to conserve water since the fire efforts need it. IT truly disturbs me.

But on he other hand, life does go on, and I know that. I guess I just feel like if you are taking off work, use it to get some perspective. It’s not spring break. And if you aren't off work, then have a little reverence, even as you work, buy groceries, or whatever. I am still going to Portland this weekend. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don't know. But I will be glad to have some fresh air. The smoke is bothering my throat and eyes, and probably lungs.

The Name Game

2007-09-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

What I wish is that all children in our country would be named with a hyphenated name, from both of their parents. Then when they marry, the women keep their maternal name, and the men keep their paternal name, and then, they, too, hyphenate with a new combination. It is both equal and clear.

In this world I would have been Alegra Marcel Shrock-Bartzat. When I marry I would become Alegra Marcel Shrock-Loewenstien. Marshall would become Marshall Alan Loewenstein-Bartzat. Girl children would be Shrock-Loewenstein, and when the girls marry they would be Shrock-husdandslastname. The boys would be Loewenstein-Shrock, and when the boys marry they would be Loewenstein-Wifeslastname.

The arrangemnet could be different, but I like my way because it maintains both maternal and paternal lines very clearly and equally; even if arrangement changed it would have to be standardized to prevent confusion. Yes you could argue that the reversal is confusing (shrock-loewenstein AND loewenstein-shrock !?!?!), but if you were used to it, it simply would not be an issue.

FYI, in Costa Rica they all kids have hyphenated name, one name from each parent. The only thing is that only the paternal names are passed on, which is, of course, still problematic.

Surprising Family Ties

2007-07-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

Rattle Snake Families

Young rattlers leave their mothers at just a few weeks old, but when it’s time to hibernate in the winter, they follow their mother’s scent trail and use the same den. Future generations will also use the same den—some have been used for over 100 years.

Plant Siblings

According to a new study in Biology Letters, plants respond competitively when forced to share their pot with strangers of the same species, but when placed in a pot with their siblings are more accomodating. "Siblings were less competitive than strangers, which is consistent with kin selection," the study reports.

On Fears

2007-07-13T22:57:00.000-07:00

The concept of fear is often considered something to be abolished from our lives, something only for the weak-minded. However, this book reckons that fear is part of our transformational journey, and that addressing those fears in various ways (through the various archetypes) is ultimately the only way we grow.

From The Hero Within:

Unless we fear hunger, want, isolation, and despair, how will we ever learn to confront our fears? We are not ready for abundance, for a safe universe, until we have proven ourselves – to ourselves – by taking our journeys. It does not matter how many people love us, how much wealth we have at our disposal; we will attract problems and we will feel alone and poor as long as we need to. … Ultimately, there is no way to avoid the hero’s quest. It comes and finds us if we do not move out bravely to meet it. And while we may strive to avoid the pain, hardship, and struggle it inevitably brings, life takes us eventually to the promised land, where we can be genuinely prosperous, loving, and happy. The only way out is through.

What is currently your biggest fear? Can you think of fears you held in the past that you have let go of or moved through? Are all of these fears truly your own? Or were some of them created by the media or projected onto you by others?

The Hero Within

2007-07-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

I have been reading the book “The Hero Within” by Carol Pearson. I will be creating “lessons” based on quotes, thoughts, and contemplations from or inspired by my readings in this book. It addresses archetypes we all identify with and learn from as we take our personal journey to becoming heroines. Becoming a hero is when you can identify with all the archetypes, and transition between them smoothly. Essentially taking on all the different roles life requires of us with equal competency. For me, heroinism is also about authenticity, and I will do my part to weave this ideal into the contemplations on our hero within.

From The Hero Within:

Heroism is a matter of integrity, of becoming more and more yourself at stage of your development. Paradoxically, there are archetypal patterns that govern the process each of us goes through to discover our own uniqueness, so we are always both very particularly ourselves and very much like one another in the stages of our journeys. In fact, there is a rather predictable sequence of human development presided over respectively by the archetypes of the Innocent, the Orphan, the Wanderer, the Warrior, the Martyr, and the Magician.

In your mind, do you recognize these archetypes from your personal history and experience with religion or spirituality? Do they make any connections for you?

We will be learning more about these archetypes this month, so for now, think about what each archetypes means to you right this moment.

A post completely stolen from an email from a friend

2007-06-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

I would like to clarify a statement I made about my position on valuing my time and how and why I do it. "Dude, what is your time worth?" It is not a money thing at all.

When I was 25, I made like $20/hr. The guys that did things like change brake pads and landscape my yard would charge me more than double that. Additionally my time was "cheap" because I felt like I had lots of it. The big dirt nap was far, far off - 50 years away which might as well have been 1000 years away for as much connection as I had to it. I changed my own brake pads because it held intrinsic satisfaction for me since I am a gearhead and my time was "cheap" i.e. I had lots of it left in my life. The money piece of it confirmed that equation because I would have to work 3 of my hours to make enough money to pay for 1 hour of the guys that could do it for me so I would actually be decreasing my net output at that time by paying them to do it.

When I was 35, I made around $35/hr. The guys changing brake pads were only charging like 1-1/2 times that rate to do it for me. The dirt nap loomed closer but I still did not give it much thought. I worked many, many hours, up to 75/week for months at a time and so sometimes it made sense to hire out some of the more mundane tasks simply because I didn't have the time to do it after work. I wanted to spend what little time I had left after work with friends and family (looking back now I would say I didn't spend enough time with them although I had some great times with you and other friends in Laguna and in Irvine)

Now, approaching 45, I make somewhat more than what I have to pay the guys that change brake pads. I am feeling the dirt nap peaking around the corner at me, who knows, maybe as little as 15 years away (both my grandfathers passed by age 60). I have a lot of shit to get done before I meet my maker - traveling, raising a family, spending time with friends and family and maybe squeezing off one more major project, my Taj Mahal, my swan song. I don't want to spend 1/8 of a second of those 15 years changing brake pads or even thinking about changing brake pads. It is not in the top 10,000 things I want to do before I leave this rock - I am going to run out of time before I even complete 10% of my list. I can afford to pay someone else to change my brake pads while I do some of the many things that are on my to do list. In fact, I can afford to pay guys $20 - $25/hr to do many of the mundane tasks I don't want to include on the list on my headstone and still be way ahead. What's more, that is how I can multiply my output in my life. I will get a lot more done in the 15 years remaining by working and making the money I can make doing so and paying for as much other stuff as possible so I can spend more time doing the things that are really important in this life like spending time with my family and recreating. Life is not about working man!

Donald Trump doesn't even know the name of the guy that changes his brake pads. Well, he probably doesn't own a car long enough for the brake pads to wear out before he buys a new one, but he makes yooge money doing what he does best, developing real estate, and he buys everything else he needs or wants and still puts large stacks of casheesh in the bank. I, like the Donald and everybody else, whether they know it or not, use money to normalize the simultaneous set of equations that must be solved to tell me when to work and when to pay someone else to work - thus the phrase "what is my time worth". It is not a money thing at all, it is a balance thing. Balance work with play and family. I want to spend as much time on family/friends and play time as possible before I wind up in the obits.

So my point to you when I said "Change brake pads? Dude, what is your time worth?" is that you make way more per hour than what you have to pay the guys that change your brake pads, your pride is in tact since you have proven you can change pads having done it many times, and it probably isn't even that fun anymore, if it ever was for you. Make your money doing what you do so well, pay the knucklehead guy to change your brake pads and spend the afternoon with your girlfriend at the beach or on a bike ride or on a hike while he does it. You will be multiplying your output while increasing your life enjoyment. "Dude, what is your time worth?"

Spanish Moth

2007-06-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Here is a video from my time in Can Serrat last year. It is a video of a moth that I swear I though was a hummingbird the first 74 times I saw it. It loved this flowering bush on the side of the house.

Cornstarch Aliens

2007-06-22T16:39:00.001-07:00

In this 2:44 long video, you will watch some interesting physcis of cornstarch. And then the aliens appear.

Being an eco-tourist in a miniature Alice in Wonderland

2007-06-20T14:45:00.001-07:00

I just watched this video about gut microbes in termites. It is really fantastic.

You get to see how these bacteria and microbes live inside the gut of termites. Of course I have heard about the fact that termites don't actually digest wood - the microbes in their gut digest them. But there are so many kinds of microbes swimming around in there!

It makes me think about all the secret worlds that surround us, everywehre. What kind of bacteria nad microbes are living inside of our own guts, unbeknownst to us? How many do we need to survive?

Why invasive species are bad

2007-06-19T14:07:00.000-07:00

Invasive species are responsible for:

Increasing the intensity, frequency, and size of wildfires
Altering soil chemistry and nutrient levels
Lowering water tables
Altering rates of sedimentation and erosion
Displacing or outcompeting native plant species
Degrading or eliminating habitat for native animals and organisms
Providing habitat for undesireable non-native animals and organisms
Posing a serious threat to native wildlife by upsetting delicate food webs

See a directory of North American pests here.

Sarcasm

2007-06-18T21:47:00.000-07:00

I realize that I have posted several sarcastic posts in a row. I'm going to stop.

How to Use A Diet Club to Market Your Network Marketing Company's Weight Loss Products

2007-06-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

Wow, just what I've always wanted, I clicked on "next blog" from my blogger account, which (as far as I can tell) takes one randomly to another blog, and I found this fascinating article that can be published freely as long as one includes the full author info in the last paragraph.

I thought it went very well with A Buyer's Guide to America's best Selling Diet Pills. Maybe the pharmaceautical companies can start hosting diet clubs. Or maybe the MLM scammers can start a consortium to advertise their products.

------------------ ARTICLE START ------------------

How to Use A Diet Club to Market Your Network Marketing Company's Weight Loss Products

It seems that, everywhere you look, everyone is trying to lose weight. If you are in a network marketing company that has a weight loss product line, you have a huge, hot, and hungry market that you can sell to.

One of the easiest marketing strategies that you can implement is starting a diet club in your town. Here are tips to get your diet club started off right.

1. Host a diet club in your home. If you cannot do it, one of your friends, family members, or colleagues may be willing to be the host, especially when you offer them free samples of your network marketing's company's weight loss product.

2. The host will need to invite six or more people to your diet club. The invitations can look something like this:

"Your Dieting Days are Over!"

The problem with diets is that, whenever you go on a diet, eventually you have to get off the diet. What usually happens? The weight returns.

*Drink a shake. Lose weight! Eat a cookie. Lose weight! Try these and other fun and easy ways to lose weight!

*Never be hungry! (that's better than willpower!)

*Enjoy great tasting cookies between meals!

*Lose weight and keep it off!

Come to our diet club kick off! Meet new friends, bring your favorite dish and recipe, and lose weight while snacking with us!

Fun! Healthy! Plus it all tastes so good!

Tuesday, April 18th, 150 broad Avenue, Winchester, VA

3. Purchase a scale so that you will have one for the official "weigh-in".

4. Plan to have your diet club meet on the same day and time every week. Every member will need to weigh in each week. The member who loses the most weight will get to keep the special "Weight Loss Trophy" for the week. You will need to remind them to bring it back for the next group meeting's winner. When you do it like this, you will only need to purchase one trophy.

5. The member that loses the least amount of weight or gains the most gets a booby prize. This can be anything, such as an embarrassing poster they have to put on their refrigerator for the week. Get creative! Whoever gets the booby prize will need to bring it back to the next meeting so that the new winner can receive it.

6. After the weigh-in, trophy, and booby prize awards, give your diet club members a tip or two about proper eating and dieting. Share with them how your weight loss product can help them meet their goals.

7. Lastly, socialize! Share recipes, give out cookies, shakes, or whatever weight loss product your network marketing company promotes. Dig into the delicious dishes that members bring. Overall, just enjoy the fellowship and then repeat next week!

That's it! This is all it takes to start your own diet club in your hometown. Your members will appreciate your efforts, and it's highly likely you will get lots of orders for your weight loss products! So, get going with your first diet club today!

Monique's Hawkins is a retail representative for a network marketing company. She believes failing in network marketing is NOT your fault. To discover how to end years of failure and frustration with MLM, visit http://mentormonique.googlepages.com/bementoredforlife

------------------ ARTICLE END ------------------

I especially love how they give out a booby prize to chastize the "loser" who loses the least. And of course focusing a on a weekly weigh-in has got to be good for the self-esteem. Especially conisdering that muscle weighs more than fat and that if yo uare actually toning muscle you may not be "losing weight," even though you could easily be losing fat. So healthy. And, of course, I love that they market cookies as a weight loss tool.

I'd like to just take a moemnt to state that, ultimately, there is only one diet: eat less, exercise more. However you reach that equilibrium can be different, and different approaches work better for different people, but when it comes down to it, that's the only way to become more fit.

On shit

2007-06-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I'm sad or upset my mom says, 90% of
life is just trying to swim thorugh a river of shit
and keep your head above the river, but the other 10% make
it worth it.

Actually, I think she just said that once, but it
stuck with me.

And I think it's actually probably less than 90%,
closer to 50%, but the shit river comes in waves, so
sometimes it's all shit and you can't keep your head
above it.

Another friend once said, every day you have to eat a
shit sandwich, and if you miss a day, it just means
you have make it up later.

Yeah, so life is full of shit. But shit is just a
small part of life.

I considered taking a picture of a shit in the toilet
and posting it here, but I decided it was already
a little edgy for me to be talking about shit in my
blog. I generally try to make it all-ages.

Besides, it's really kind of sick to take
a picture of your shit.

A buyer's guide to America's best-selling diet pills.

2007-06-12T13:12:00.000-07:00

On the second page of this two page ad the reader gets a description of all the "best-selling" diet pills. They might as well just call them the "most popular" or say "everyone is doing it." The first page imbeds the idea that "Everybody wants to lose weight," and here they give you so many ways to do it, none of them requiring effort, thought, or consideration!

The first one says "Eat all you want and still lose weight?" Though it implies that readers of this ad can continue to eat fast food six times a day, that is not actually how this pill works. No, you take this pill before you eat, and then you don't want to eat!

Then there is the "Belly Fat" pill, which is cross promoted here also as a "feel good" pill because it reduces stress. Fantastic! I can be skinny and happy, with just one pill. Of course, if you become skinny you will also become happy, right?

Then they outline the pill for those who are "significantly overweight" and caution that this pill is only for those who are truly obese. Of course it costs $153 a bottle so it "is much too expensive and much too powerful for the casual dieter." I find this particularly disturbing because they act like they are cautioning the reader here, implying that this ad wouldn't lead readers astray. Whoever is paying for his ad just wants to help readers find "the right" diet pill.

Or two. Becuase in the pink box they explain how celebrities like to "combine two or more diet pills" to lose weight super-fast. They flat-out explain the upper-downer cycle: "One pill picks you up, the other pill calms you down...both of them help you lose weight...but together, oh my goodness!" But don't worry, they let you konw that the makers of the drugs do not condone combo-pilling. Okay, but what about doctors? They don't bother to note that many people who combo-pill (celebs or not) go to multiple doctors to get multiple prescriptions.

As you can see, this ad is absolutley creepy and conniving. It never says who has paid for it, and all of the pills are from different manufacturers. It must be some kind of consortium. This adds to the disturbing factor because again it could appear that it was written by an unbiased third party. It makes me sick to think about someone who doesn't have good critical thinking skills and who suffers from low body image or self esteem. They would be on the phone to their doctor immediately to get the cure to all their problems.

But don't worry, if you're not a pill person, they've thrown in a "slimming gel" for good measure. "You can even apply [Tummy Flattening Gel] to your double chin."

Everybody wants to lose weight

2007-06-12T12:43:00.001-07:00

...but which "diet pill" is right for you?

Okay, so I found this very disturbing ad in a recent issue of some garbage pop-star magazine. Why I was reading such a piece of trash is another story, which I'd rather not have on the record.

Anyway, I come across this double page ad. First of all, I generally hate the ads that try to look like articles published by the magazine. And I also wonder if anyone doesn't motice the "Advertisement" typed in tiny font at the top... some people must not.

This ad starts off assuming that "everybody wants to lose weight." This is problematic becuase it's not true, but also becuase it implies that if you don't want to lose weight there is something wrong with you. The last portion of this title/sentence then goes on to imply/assume that everyone wants to lose weight by taking diet pills. I know I just wrote ahttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifbout what is wrong with our society, but I think I've changed my mind. The addiction to "mircale pills" for all our problems is really what is wrong with our society.

Also, the girl on this page isn't fat. In fact, it just looks like they slightly distorted the picture of a normal and thin girl so she looks a little wider, not fat, just distorted. So here we again see the idea being planted into people's heads that even normal thin people need to lose weight.

The timing of this ad couldn't have been better, either. The feature article of this issue was celebrity cellulite. Now, I have heard of this before. It is actually a common complaint about magazines targeted twoards female audiences; there seems to be more behind the secne deals regarding advertisers only buying space if the magazine will run an article along the same lines. "We are the biggest consumer society on the face of the earth, and advertisers often apply tremendous pressure to the media to adapt content."

Let me just also mention that they use ellipses three times in the first paragraph!

But the creepiest thing of all about this advertisement is that it doesn't say who has paid for it! Read "A buyer's guide to America's best-selling diet pills" to learn more about this disturbing ad.

what is wrong with our society

2007-06-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

Today I went for a run along the PB-MB boardwalk. As I was crossing over to the bay side, near the roller coaster, I saw a cop hassling a homeless man. The man had a cane and a guitar and the cop had taken both of them away from him, and was making him cross the sidewalk without his cane. The man was elderly, and life had certainly been hard on him. He really did need that cane.

I was paused, not knowing what to do. The man said, "Hey! This cop is picking on me!" I acknowledged him with a compassionate look, yet I didn't speak up. I don't know why the cop was hassling him. I suspect it was some kind of panhanlding law, that the homeless man was playing guitar for money.

When the crosswalk turned green, I went on. But I felt really wretched about it. I cried for several mintes as I ran. I was overcome by compassion for this man whose life had clearly been so hard and who doesn't have any options and gets hassled for existing. I was also disappointed in myself for not speaking up. Not even disappointed - disgusted. In that moment my non-action represented so much of what is wrong with our society. I should have at least asked the cop why the man was being stopped.

Lemon Stealing Neighbors

2007-06-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking to my bedroom from the bathroom after just having taken a shower, when I see a man lurking around my yard. My home and yard are set a bit differently than most, making this occurance both more possible and more disturbing. First of all, the house is rather dark and gets very little direct sunlight. There is a sort of enclosed pation in the center of the house, which can not be seen form the street or the neighboring houses. So, there are no curtains or other type of shades on the windows that look into this patio. Hence, if there is someone in my yard, they can see right in.

The other odd thing about the house is that there really isn't a back yard. The yard is rather large, but it's all in the front. There is a wall that goes around a lare portion of the ayrd. To me and my family, this wall designates public sapce from private space. Outside the wall is open to the neighbors and filled with decorative plants species; inside the wall is a more private, secured area and has mostly fruit trees and vegetable gardens. It is, in spirit, our backyard.

Now, at the time I saw the man lurking in my front-backyard, I didn't have any clothes on, so the alarm I would normally feel was heightened. I hid in the hallway and peeked out the window and patio to see who this person was. Well, lo-and-behold, it was my neighbor. He had come to take a few lemons off my tree.

Now, taking a few lemons and here there really isn't a problem. During peak seasons I give them away by the bagful. The issue here really isn't about the lemons. The issue is my privacy and respect for property that doesn't belong to him.

So, now I was in a predicament.He had behaved innapropriately, yet I was the one who had to deal with it. I have mentioned neighborly isuses to him before and he has responded by blowing them off. Nothing major. But these neighbors are a certain type of people. I don't know how to describe it, but I strongly suspected that if I went and approached them about, they would suddenly see me as the bad guy here. They are like the guy with TB who says "Oh poor me, I would never wish this on anyone," but in the mean time he has exposed hundred of people in his selfish and egocentric antics.

Anyway, here are my options, in the order I thought of them:

1. March myself over, knock on the door and say to the man, "I saw you taking lemons off my tree, and I'd really appreciate it if you would ask before taking lemons next time." The problem here is that suddenl; I would be the "uptight bitch" and probably case neighborly drama that I really don't want.

2. March myself into their backyard and spend an afternoon in their pool. When they come home and ask me what I'm doing I'll just say, "Well, no one was using it, and I thoght neighbors shared. I mean, you help yourself to my lemons." This is not my style, though I wish it was.

3. Write a note to the man saying the same thing as #1. Same problems as #1, plus I will be seen as passive agressive.

4. Approach the man's wife, when the man is not home, saying "I saw your man taking lemons off my tree, and I'd really appreciate it if you would tell him to before taking lemons next time. Becuase, well, when he came over, I was just out of the shower, and I was naked, and I felt really uncomfortable." I could play the naked card, but it that's not relaly the issue.

5. Drop the part about saying I saw them, and just throw out randomly, "Hey, if you want some fruit here and there it's geenrally not a problem, but you need to be sure to ask first, uot of respect for my privacy."

6. Leave note that says the same as #5, with a couple of lemons.

So, I am thinking if I see them I wil use #5, but if not, then I'll go with #6. Since I hardly ever see them, it will probably be #6.

An Open Letter to Yahoo!

2007-06-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Yahoo!,

I have had a Yahoo! email account for a very long time. Yahoo! was my first, and I am still using it. Other email addresses have come and gone (alegra@meowmail, alegra@mail.utexas, abartzat@mail.sdsu, alegra@sdecocenter). And even though I actually prefer the other addresses because they are my name, just my name, and nothing but my name, I have stuck with Yahoo! because I like consistency.

I like knowing that pretty much anyone from my past, from high school, college, graduate school, or any job, could contact me at any moment. It is easy to reach me, because my email address hasn't changed. Once in a while I still recieve an email from a long lost friend. And this is nice.

I also don't want to burden others with keeping up with incessently changing email addresses. When I get those "This is my new email address" emails, I rarely update my address book, becuase the sender usually sends them from the old email saying "Don't use this email address anymore." I understand; it's easier because that is where your addresses are saved. Yahoo!, you could save us all from the dilemmma by allowing us to to set up an additional Yahoo! Mail accounts for each Yahoo! profile.

I know that my address book, even my electronic address books, have a great number of expired email addresses. This is sad, especially when you think of someone and write to them to tell them you have thought of them, and the email bounces back. Most especially when you don't have their new address in there along with the old. Again, multiple email accounts within a single profile, and which would be checked at the same login would prevent this kind of problem; the old would be checked along with the new.

With the new advent of google email, or gmail, I feel pressure to change or update my email address. I already use google for their calendar. I also use blogger. I don't want google to be my end-all be-all. I don't like how google is taking over the internet. Neither does Silicon Valley.

I still use Yahoo! Yellow Pages to look up stores and restaurants. But I will admit, google maps is my go-to for mapping, beating out both Yahoo! and MapQuest. It's hard to resist google's powerful pull. Yahoo!, you can help us resist if you would suddenly offer such a useful service, which google hasn't yet thought of and offered.

I want to support Yahoo!, and other internet giants. I also enjoy having a long history of emails at my disposal, able to search out emails from my past on a whim, or for a purpose. So, Yahoo!, I urge you: Allow me to to set up an additional Yahoo! Mail accounts for my Yahoo! profile. Allow me to have both a new Yahoo! Mail account, and my old Yahoo! Mail account.

I understand this is a demanding request; I understand it will require larger servers and more providing power. But, if you spin it just right, and beat google to it, this could keep you in the running as internet's most important player.

The Biology of Running

2007-06-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

Running is a great sport. I have been, at various times in my life, very into running, or not into running at all. I love that it takes no special equipment, and that you can do it anywhere. It is also a fairly amazing biological feat of coordination between many muscles, and between body and mind.

The major msucles involved in running include the quads, calves, and hamstrings, as well as the core muscles and hips.

Running is defined as having three phases, which repeat with each stride. The support phase is the time the foot is in contact with the earth. One foot touches the ground as the knee joint begins to flex. This is basically catching your body before you hit the ground. The body's center of gravity is typically above the point where the foot touches the ground. The primary muscles involved are the quadriceps.

The drive phase is the time the leg (that was previously supporting the body) extends behind the runner. This pushes the runner forward and somewhat upwards. In this way, the leg continues to support the body from falling to the ground, but also propels the runner. The primary muscles involved are the quadriceps and various calf muscles.

During the recovery phase the foot loses touch with the ground and returns to the front of the body, where it will re-enter the support phase. In this way, each leg and foot is in a constant cycle between these phases while a person is running. The primary muscles involved are the hip flexors; this is the least intensive portion of the cycle.

Though running is typically considered a lower body sport, significant upper body movement is required, and competitive runners naturally develop strong upper bodies. This is especially notable in sprinters, as the faster you run, the harder your upper body works to keep balance. Your arms move in opposition to your legs, moving backwards as the oppostie legs drive the body forward. This helps runners keep their balance and is a natural occurance.

Running also releases your bodies natural endorphins. With running (or any strenuous aerobic endurace excercise) your pituatary glands release these natural "feel good" hormones. While it may take a while for your body to adjust to the intense exercise that is running, I highly recommend it for a complete workout that will make your body and mind feel good!

Some Marathon Thoughts

2007-06-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

A recent NY Times article addresses the change in attitude toward marathons in the past few years. While marathons were long thought to be unattainable for the average person, they are often now considered "the everyman's Everest."

I see that reflected in the world around me. I can name at least three friends, right off the top of my head, who have run a marathon. And now a fourth has come to mind, just as I write this. Maybe it's beacuse I have health-minded friends. Maybe it's because I live in health-minded California. But I think it is also becuase it's something people like to do nowadays. I have always said I wanted to run a marathon before I die. With the inspiration of friends and strangers all around me running marathons, many of them less athletically inclined than I (and I'm not so particularly athletic, compared to many others), I feel that I, too, can complete a marathon. I don't have to be the fastest. I just have to finish. That is very exciting.

I was disappointed to read in the mentioned article that many attribute the rise in female marthoners to Oprah's completion of a marathon a few years back. I'm happy for Oprah, but I'm not an Oprah follower, and I innately resist anything that might suggest I'm becoming one, such as reading from her book club list or running marathon after she did. Still, it has been on my list since I made that list in high school, and I don't remember most of the other stuff I put on that list.

But here is a question. Why do we all have to fundraise to run marathons? I didn't even sign up for a marathon that required fundraising, but I am still doing it. I'm tacking on a cause I care about and asking people to give money.

For me, it helps my level of accountability. It would be easy to quit training out of laziness or inconvenience. (It takes a LONG TIME to run so many miles each week!) But if you've sent out an email to 300 of your closest friends who are going to ask you about the run come time, well, it makes that much harder to face quitting. And if they've given $5, $10, $26, or more, again it becomes even harder.

I guess, also, it takes a lot of effort to run 26.2 miles....might as well put it to a good cause.

Mommy Wars

2007-05-30T16:56:00.001-07:00

I feel like the "mommy wars" are in my universe a lot these days. Perhaps it is because I have a swath of friends who are pregnant or who have young children. I watch them facing the decisions that fuel the mommy wars: stay at home or work? Because I see it in my network, I notice it in the media.

I have recently read two articles on salon.com regarding this issue.

First there are The Invisible Mommies. In this article, we see how the entire concept of the "mommy wars" focuses on the elite women of our country, the women who have the choice of staying home or working. For the elite, it is a moral issue and an issue of personal happiness. For many many others, there simply aren't that many options, and most of them are bad. If you can't afford to stay home, you probably can't afford daycare. What do these mothers do? The government doesn't help them. Society doesn't help them. They have only a lot of bad options imprisoning them.

Then there is A Truce in the Mommy Wars. This article explores the idea of the mommy wars being based on individual personal wars. It reviews a book that is a collection of essays from mothers on all ends of the spectrum. The prevailing idea is that the mommy wars are hyped by the media that essentially creates them by making mothers feel insecure, no matter what their choices are, and it proposes the idea that the media simulataneously creates and predates on this insecurity. "You aren't a good mom, but buy this product and your life will be happy."

And then there is Heather's take on The Price of Motherhood in her blog. Here we have again, the dilemmas that challenge mothers. She writes: "Motherhood is a big factor in poverty, as is divorce; alimony is increasingly less common, and all the stay-home care you provide (or want to provide) your kids doesn't count in its calculation. People tell you you're doing "the most important job" but they don't want to pay you for it, and if you're poor, to get public assistance, you can't stay home with your kids, but must put them in daycare and take a job that pays less than the daycare costs." Why can't our society realize that we truly need to integrate motherhood and children into how we value our culture? And while we're at it, lets add in teachers and education, among other things.

So, here I am contemplating issues that I see around me. I have been interested in the work of Moms Rising for a long time (well, ever since I heard of them, which was just shortly after they got started). The thing about it, for me, is that environmentalism is "my cause." At first I didn't really see how the issue of family and mother discrimination really fit into that. But I think now that they are truly integrated. I don't know very much about deep ecology, but I think I practice it. Taking the ideas of ecology, of interconnectedness, and applying it as a moral guide really works for most of my dilemmas. You can't jsut ask "How does this affect me?" Or even "How doe sthis affect my country?" But "Hoe does this affect the world?" We are truly interconnected, and facing the issue of motherhood comes as part of living in a world with mothers. And without mothers, where would we be? Exactly.

Books relevant to this article:

Unfulfilled Potential

2007-05-30T00:29:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful and saddening thought, the children of imaginary conception.

Sciencebird wrote: Rumi, the sufi mystic poet, wrote a poem saying whenever a man and woman become lovers, a child is born, even if actual conception doesn't take place. The union of a man and woman is still an act of creation, whether in a one night stand or a marriage.

Abortion is an action that makes clear the idea of unfulfilled potential. There is conception: the egg and sperm unite. The gametes (the egg and sperm) fuse; the chromosones combine, and meiosis results in a random separation of the genes of each parent. At this point, there exists a unique genetic combination that will never be repeated. That is something tangible that one might be able to mourn at the goodbye of an embryo.

Yet every sexual encounter between penis and vagina has such potential. In a parallel to the abortion debate of when life begins, why can't one mourn the lost possibilities of pre-meiosis? Why must one only mourn the post-meiotic possibilities? Perhaps this is why the church and other entities and individuals argue against all forms of birth control.

However, there is also beauty in that potential. For every lost potential, we gain the possibilties of dreams.

Colony Collapse

2007-05-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

The bees of the United States are suffering from abnormaly high death rates, and experts are calling the disorder Colony Collapse.

Honey bee is the common name for the species Apis mellifera. There are many sub-species of honey bees found world-wide, though the name was originally given the the European honey bee, which is the most commonly domesticated honey bee.

The worker bees make up the majority of a hive. These are female bees, usually sterile, and include the bees that leave the hive to harvest the pollen on which the entire colony depends, as well as some of the workers inside the hive that create the comb and tend the eggs and pupae. Drones are male bees that typically exist for the sole purpose of fertilizing the queen and die shortly after.

Worker bees live different lengths of time during different seasons. During the spring and summer they typically have shorter lifespans and spend their time foraging for pollen and nectar. When winter approaches, the bees are expected to live longer and work less; this is how they survive the colder winter months. One factor in Colony Collapse is that the bees are not living longer during the winter. Some experts think this could be related to global warming, and extended warm months.

Some of the many other theories include:

The bees may have become disoriented by cell phone radiation or other man-made technologicla radiation. This theory is being spread on-line, but is widely discalimed by bee experts and other authories.

Mites may be affecting the hives. Mites are a subclass or arachnids, and live inside the bees bodies. These microscopic creatures infect a hive or colony and can kill them off by killing individual bees. Mites are common in bees, but when the mite population beccomes too alrge the bees will die off in greater numbers.

Insecticides have been implicated as a factor in Colony Collapse. Because bees forage for food, they are easily exposed to pesticides, especially when they are transported for pollination work to fruit or nut farms that use pesticides. Pesticides can kill enough worker bees that the colony can not support itself, or pesticides can contaminate the pollen and nectar and disrupt the brood or queen of the hive, disabling the hives ability to produce new bees.

Genetically modified crops have also been blamed. Some proteins from genetically modified plants can be traced in the pollen and nectar that the bees collect. While studies have not shown direct death of bees that forage on genetically engineered plants, some studies have shown weakened immune that, when coupled with a disease, parasite, or insecticide, could cause massive deaths in a hive.

Global warming and changing wather patterns, as mentioned above, may also be a factor. The stress of shorter cold months, or fiercer competition by invasive plants or bees that thrive in an altering climate, could be debilitating native bees and domesitcated honey bees.

Poor nutrition is a possible cause that is linked with global warming, as well as invasive species. Plants that are struggling to survive in a warmer climate, or competing with invasive species, may produce less pollen, or simply less nutritious pollen, than native plants in healthy habitats. If bees rely on pollen that is deficient in certain minerals or nutrients, they will suffer from this.

Urbanization and moncrops are two modern phenomemon that may be contributing to Colony Collapse. Fragmented habitats, and lack of native and wild flowering plants due to urbanization may further stress the bess. Because bees recall mental images to find their way back to their nest, long strands of monocrops may distort their memory.

Though this has been in the news for months, it has been receiving increasing coverage as the mystery deepens. A recent article in Salon publishes an interview with four experts on this issue. Even between the four of them, they don't have a definite answer as to what is causing Colony Collapse.

The final answer is that no one really knows what is causing this decline in bee populations, The best answer is that it is a combination of many of the issues described above, perhaps not even the same issues across the board. However, most experts agree that humans are a factor, and our massive suburban expansion, contributions to global warming by burning fossil fuels, decimation of wild lands and support of monocrops are all contributing to the Colony Collapse. The issue at hand is that we are not living sustainably, in every sense of the word. The death of the bees is just one sign of the stress we are putting on the planet. They are the canaries in the mine, and we must take care of them, in order to take care of ourselves.

Talking is addictive.

2007-05-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

I found that I have become much more of a talker than I used to be. I have a lot of friends in other places, and I talk with them to keep in touch. That is a good thing. But sometimes I find talking so incredibly draining. I want to stop, but I want to catch up. Someone asks a question. I remember something I want to relate. Life is so exciting and I want to share it all. By the end of it all, my throat is tired and my head hurts.

Talking is addictive. I used to be a good listener, but I find myself talking more these days. I talk so much that I exhaust myself. I want to stop talking, but I can’t.

And here’s another piece of the pie: My writing is a version of my talking. The more I talk, the less I am able to write. My talking is not only detrimental to my mental health, it is a warped form of procrastination. I channel energy into talking instead of into writing.

It's not that I am totally out of control. I definitely make an effort to have balanced converstions, where both people talk in roughly similar proportions. But that's just it. I find that at some point I realize I have been talking more than my fair share, and I have to make an effort to stop. I once read an article on Salon.com about compulsive talking; Leslie sent it to me. Chatty Cathy can't stop talking, and Cary's advice is to think of all talking as "stories" and to only talk about what relates to the story, and omit everythign else.

My advice to Cathy is to start writing. I have observed a strong inverse correlation between how much I talk and how much I write. This was reinforced at the Mesa Refuge over lunch with Natalie. She noticed that the other gentleman there tlaked about his work a lot, and she commented to me taht the more you talk about yoru work as awriter, the more diluted your work itself becomes. I understand that. You write about things yo aure compelled to write about. You talk about things you are compelled to talk about. But if you talk about things you are compelled to write about, you lose the fire. Yo uare no longer compelled to write about them. Your writing becomesa struggle instead of an enjoyable process, and your writing suffers from it.

I don't know if Cathy would be a good writer, but I think the effect would be the same. If she wrote about the things she is compelled to talk about incessantly, then she may be less compelled to talk about them. I know I, for one, am excited to talk less and write more (though for different reasons). Silence will be good for my throat, and writing will be good for my, well, writing.

Even More On "The Power of Green"

2007-05-14T22:59:00.001-07:00

I do agree with Friedman that the USA government needs to level the playing fields for clean energy, as compared to fossil fuels. Again, to reference my Sierra Magazine, there was recently an excerpt of a conference on the topic of global warming. The article is called “Climate Exchange,” and hosted 8 politicians, activists, and entrepreneurs. Their answer to the problem seemed to be a combination of carbon tax and cap-and-trade, pollution tax (replacing income tax), Kyoto protocol, biofuels, carbon sequestration (and sinks), lowered-risk investment in clean technology and leveled-energy subsidies, energy efficiency (and subsidies for low-income efficiency improvements). However, Friedman seems to be a big supporter of nuclear, and I have to disagree. While I believe it will be necessary to continue to have nuclear, I would support allowing only what already exists. Friedman admits nuclear will only succeed with massive government subsidies. I argue that the risks are too great. Any nuclear meltdown is disastrous and disposing of nuclear waste is an endeavor that requires vigilance to near infinity.

From the same Sierra article, one of the suggestions was to create “a variable subsidy that is countercyclical with oil. If the price of oil goes down, the biofuel subsidy goes up.” This is a really great idea, and shed light on the reason many investments fail is because if oil prices drop, interest in alternatives does too. Tax breaks and subsidies for green need staying power. The Saudis and other Middle Eastern oil producing countries understand that when the USA starts reducing its oil consumption, all they have to do is drop the price a bit and we will be back to our old habits. The USA needs to understand that as well, as this policy does.

More On "The Power of Green"

2007-05-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

“The China Price” is also an interesting phenomenon. “The China Price” is the price that China pays for high-polluting energy today, because the people can not afford to pay for low-polluting energy and the environmental (and ultimately economic) costs of CO2 are far down the road and without immediate rewards. This is the Wal-Mart effect in the USA. Most people choose the cheapest product for the immediate savings, without considering the huge costs hidden in that bargain. “The China Price” is an easy way to see world-wide economics play out in parallel to a pattern I know.

Suntech Solar is an interesting business, and one I keep hearing about lately. I’d like to invest in that stock, and maybe when my job finds me I will have the chance. I love that the China’s low-cost production abilities are finally being used for something with a long-term viable future and a role in this new geo-green movement. I hope to see more entrepreneurial projects such as this in other developing nations. It is a way to circumvent the China Price really – China makes money on this product by selling to richer nations until the price has dropped enough and China’s economy increased enough that they can then begin to purchase them.

On "The Power of Green"

2007-05-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

This is part of a response to Michael Friedman's op-ed piece in the New York Times, "The Power of Green."

I have always been interested in the environment, though in my younger days principally by way of nature. I liked trees and frogs and sunshine. I remember a few years ago being truly interested in (no-- compelled to pay attention to) United States and world politics for the first time. I assumed it was just that I had finally reached an age at which politics interested me, but a friend of mine (about double my age) said she had never been as interested in politics as she was now. The world was heating up in a number of ways, and the role of United States politics was an important player.

So, naturally, these two interests merged: environment and politics. Now I read a fair amount of literature exploring the merge in various ways: land use, food security, peak oil, etc. The emergence of green politics beyond the Green Party interests me greatly.

As Friedman writes “But these problems are so large in scale that they can only be effectively addressed by an America with 50 green state – not an America divided between red and blue states,” I recall a recent Sierra Magazine. The article quotes Bob Marshall of the New Orleans Times-Picayune, “When the NRA starts talking like the Sierra Club, you know good times have arrived for fish, wildlife – and generations of sportsmen to come.” Finally we are seeing a red-green movement, similar to the blue-green movement started in the past few years where major environmental groups join with labor groups because protecting the environment also protects workers.

Point Reyes

2007-05-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

Point Reyes Station and the Point Reyes National Seashore are part of the spectacular surroundings that make the Mesa Refuge so amazing. In Point Reyes, there are multiple restaurants with empahsis on organic, local foods (unfortunately this also seems to emphasize all the meats), but the good news is that also includes all the dairy products!

I never used to understand people's fasciantion with cheese, but as of late I have caught the cheese bug. I have had sheep ricotta and cow ricotta made at Bellweather Farms, about an hour north of here. I have also had the Cowgirl Creamery's own cottage cheese, panir cheese, fromage blanc, and brie-like "St Pat" wrapped in nettle leaves. I have also compared Point Reyes Farmstead Blue Cheese with Humboldt Fog Blue Cheese, and prefer the Point Reyes (it's saltier and crumblier, while the Humboldt Fog is creamier). I also tried a local organic ice cream, but it wasn't nearly as good as San Diego's Mariposa.

I have also been making an effort to go out into the national and state parks that surround this town at least once a day. I have only missed one day, but on two days I've been twice, so my average is still over one. Here are some of the amazing pictures that can barely capture the beauty.

The other part of the amazement of this place is the smells. Every hike I take has a completely different array of scents. There is spicey pine, fruity earth, perfumey flowers, salty ocean, even grassy manure smells good here!

Good Food

2007-05-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

Good food means whole food. Whole grains, fresh fruits, and fresh vegetables should be the basis of a healthy diet. Processed and refined foods, foods that contain artificial flavors or additives, and foods full of sugar and fat should be eliminated or reduced in the diet. It is also important to eat your foods in their entirety. Instead of throwing away the top and bottom of a carrot, throw it into the casserole! If you must peel the carrot, boil the skins before you throw them away and use the broth in your next batch of soup! Carrot skins contain vitamins not found in the rest of the carrot. By using all part of your foods you obtain more of the nutrients and get a more balanced diet. The carrot tops contain minerals not found in the carrot itself. Throw some into your next batch of soup along with the rest of the carrot (but use in moderation, as it is also bitter in flavor).

Food should also be fresh. It is always better to choose a fresh peach over a canned peach and fresh green beans over canned green beans. Not only do they taste better, but they contain more nutrition and vital energy. You can find fresh food at a local farmer’s market. The selection at a farmer’s market is usually picked the same day, versus the week or older food often found at conventional grocery stores. If you have to ship a piece of fruit from halfway around the world, there’s just no way it can be as fresh as the fruit you find with the farmer who drove into town that day. For some people, the option of shopping at a farmer’s market is limited because of the limited growing season. In that case, it is reasonable to consume more dried or canned foods during the winter months, and to perhaps purchase imported foods at the grocery store. Keep in mind though, that the closer to home the food came from, the fresher it is. When you look around the produce section, try to find foods that came from your state, or at least your country, not the other side of the globe. An economical option for everyone is to buy lots of fresh food at the peak of its season, when it’s abundant and fresh, and then freeze, jar, and dry whatever you can’t eat.

All of this information applies to organic foods, too. Organic foods that are imported from other countries will always be more expensive than those that you find from the local farmers. Organic foods that are shipped long distances are also very often picked when they are quite green. Because organic standards ban the use of fungicides, this is the only way the food can be transported long distance without spoiling. Try to buy organic locally and in season, and then freeze, can, or dry the extras. This preserves the goodness of the food and also saves you money on quality ingredients.

Mesa Refuge

2007-05-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

The Mesa Refuge is amazing! So beautiful...

Natalie Goldberg is here with me, author of Writing
Down the Bones. She is really interesting, Zen
Jew-Bu (short for Jewish Buddhist in publishing
speak). Lives in NM, originally from NYC. We get
along well. I feel like I have a lot to learn from
her.

Also a man named Melvin Adams, from
Washington, a Christian sort-of who has been
ex-communicated from 2 christian churches. Worked in
nucleur waste clean-up and is writing abook about Eve,
re-telling her story.

I am really progressing on my essays. Will probably
move onto another project before my time is up. They
were actually further along than I remembered, and I
am having ideas on where to submit them, so will be
looking into that perhaps while I'm here or else
shortly after.

The program is funded by Peter Barnes, co-founder of
Working Assets, also part of a really interesting
thinktank from here, with a focus on "the commons."
It's inspiring to my work, and reading some of the thinktank's
work has really gelled several of my essays and given
me the answer on how to end them that was lacking
before.

Selfish Giving

2007-05-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

"You're wonderful because giving others pleasure is in the first place a pleasure to you."
"Yes, it's a form of selfishness."
"The most enchanting form there is."

Simone de Beauvoir writes the above in "The Woman Destroyed," and I see myself again returning to the question of whether it is morally acceptable to metaphorically send oneself flowers. This scene from Simone's book isn't exactly the same, but it brings up complications. Monique, the giver in the story, has given up her whole life for the sake of her family. She quits her studies to raise her daughters and shortly after they both leave home, her husband has an affair.

She lets him continue, even while she knows about it, and tries to distract herself. She spends time at her daughter's house while she recovers from the flu, even though her duaghter doesn't really need her. This form of giving becomes a burden on the daughter. So if you're giving and the receiver doesn't want, but you keep giving for your own needs/pleasure/ego, well then there is a problem.

And so the story is like the lady in that Yoga Journal article that Slate so clearly points out as a case of sending oneself flowers, even at the expense of another.

And of course it brings the question of personal boundaries... if Monique had not given up her own pursuits for those shared with her husband, then it seems her fate would have come out differently. Maurice, her husband, is as bad as Thomas from "The Unbearable Lightness of Being." (well, okay, I haven't finished "A Woman Destroyed" yet, but I'm guessing he's going to be.)

You Can Do No Wrong

2007-05-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

If you didn't notice, I have written the past few posts as responses to these funny cards that I have. They aren't exactly tarot cards, but more like hippie cards. I never had the full deck; I got them for free when I worked at BookPeople in Austin and they cleaned up their tarot and other cards display. I got a strange collection of cards that I have since used for collage making and thought provoking.

"You can do no wrong" makes me think of this article I recently read at Slate Magazine.
And in turn, this article makes me think about the people in yoga classes who seemingly show off. And it makes me wonder about my own abstination from metaphorically sending myself flowers.

I like to buy extra soups or snacks with a long shelf life and keep them in my car. When I see homeless people I give them food. I don't like to give them money becuase I think it often facilitates the things that drive their problems (in other words they use it to buy booze or cigarettes), but yet I am too saddened by their circumstances to simply ignore them and look away. Giving them food won't really help their problems (only social reform can do that, IMO), but it may make them a little more comfortable.

But by writing about that on here, amd I simply sending myself flowers? Maybe I should cancel my gym membership and donate that money to a charity that helps to create social change that will diminish homelessness. Is access to yoga classes self-flowering? Can I go to yoga simply for a work out? Or do I have to do it to find peace? And if I do it just to find peace, where is the line that differentiates true peace seeking and gratuitous peace seeking?

I have a number of narcissistic hobbies. I won't even admit to them in print. But is narcissism really that bad? I thought it was good to love yourself...? Maybe we need to define the difference between narcissism and egoism. Is that where the problem exists?

I feel like this invites the topic of spirituality being a priviledge, which I whole-heartedly disagree with. Although there is some idea that one must first deal with survival (food, shelter, etc) before one can embark on a spiritual path. So perhpas that implies an obligation of those on the spiritual path (or perhaps even simply those who have their basic needs taken care of) to help alleviate suffering at large.

Simone de Beavior addresses this in her short story "The Age of Discretion" when two aging academics deal with their own age and their son's departure from the parents values. The parents must deal with their depleting interest in the world around them, though they continue to desire to work towards reducing suffering in the world. This is the one thing with lasting inspiration in their world.

So, perhaps as we age and gain wisdom, we realize more and more the importance of alleviating suffering and the inconsequentialness of sending oneself flowers. I don't think the characters in Simone's story would be interested in buring scented candles or sending themselves bouquets of flowers.

Think About It

2007-04-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

Think About It For Awhile.

Okay, I will think about it for a while. And then a little while longer, too.

Hmmmm...

Okay. Now that I have thought about it, I am not sure what I am supposed to be thinking about. My writing? My relationships? My search for god/enlightenment? My job hunt?

I am thinking about myself and the boundaries in my life. Boundaries are a very important thing. And speaking up for yourself. And calling out others when they cross that boundary.

Girls are taught that they should always be nice. And boys are taught to do whatever they want. And only when we become women do we begin to speak up for ourselves, and that is only if we are lucky. And I'm not sure how many boys ever become men, becuase they usually don't ever begin to consider others. And then what are the consequences? Women are usually punished, or at least feel vexed, when they speak out against a man who has crossed a boundary.

I remember when I was taking flying lessons and this old man, really old, who was my instructor put his hand on my thigh (on the skin - I was wearing shorts) while I was flying the plane. I moved his hand without saying anything and he said "Oh gee, I'm sorry, I didn't notice where my hand was." I should have said "You are a dirty old man and I'm never flying with you again." And then I should have told the owner of the flight school to have a chat with him and explain appropriate behavior. But I didn't say anything. I'm glad that I at least moved his dirty old hand. Girls shouldn't be so nice.

Think about it for awhile.

Shadow Mate

2007-04-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

There are soul mates, and then there are blackholes. "Blackhole" is the term I have come up with a person's shadow mate. A shadow mate is a type of soul mate, but also the oppostie of a soul mate.

I have discussed this topic with my friend Leslie, as she read an opinion piece on salon.com suggesting that a person's dark side is just as a ttractive to us as their open face personality. I agree ( and have since Leslie forst told me) that the dark side is part of the equation of attraction, but I have only recently wondered if (or realized that) sometimes that can be the entire basis of attraction.

Trip

2007-04-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

"It was a blackhole."

There are things in my life that I just don't understand. Like the time when I fell into a blackhole.

"No one falls into a black hole. And if they do, they don't survive!"

Well, I did fall into a black hole. And that explains things that I can't reason with. The ghosts that appear in my memory, the imaginary scenes I find myself creating, the things that haunt me.

But it's arguable whether I survived. In fact, I would agree with you that I did not. I was, in fact destroyed. And the things that haunt me are not ghosts of others or memories from my life. They are my own ghosts, and memories from the past life.

Who ever said that past lives only occur in the physical realm? My past lives are all in this lifetime. For example, I used to be a hippie. I used to be a Texan. I used to be a smoker. I used to be afraid of death.

Now, I travel through my life with "patience and low expectations." Death will give those things to you.

Artist's Book

2007-04-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

Yourself a City
by Alegra Marcel Bartzat

Poems by the artist. Cave Paper chemise; Covers of paste paper made by artist. Printed letter press from photopolymer plates by artist on Fabriano Ingres paper.
Edition of 10 (8 left). 2005. $475.

A questioning of the border between nature and culture, and an exploration of the inevitable intersection. The poems are an interpretation of ecology of cities, and the book takes place in three parts. Earth, air, and water birth the rich and subtle interplay between words and form.

My Life - a collage

2007-04-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

Adding Atmosphere to Public Transportation

2007-04-06T22:58:00.001-07:00

One problem with public transportation is perception. At the EcoCenter, there was a station where we taught the children about Curitiba Brazil. When we asked the students why so few people take the bus in san DIego they would inevitably say "Becuase it's gross" (after they said "Because everyone has a car").

So, what the Metropolitan Transit Authority meeds, perhaps even more than good planning, is good marketing. Now I swear that one time while I was in san Francisco I saw a bus with chairs around a table with a lamp on it. I really don't think I imagined it, though no one else ever seems to have seen such a thing. Either way, it's a really good idea.

Let's make the bus a palce to relax. Like people who commute on teh train, and who can go into the cafe car for a bottle of beer or little single serve of wine on teh way home from work. They kick their feet up, pop a cold one, and enjoy the view fly by. Especially in Southern California, as the major train line goes along the ocean's edge. What better commute could there be? If they could franchise with Starbucks to sell the morning coffees, they'd be in business.

So waht about the bus? Instead of banning eating and drinking ,encourage it. Especially on express buses with few stops. Include a vending machine in the back of the bus. Lose the flourescent bulbs and go for that soft glow. Choose everyone's favorite decorating colors: burgundy, chartreuse, and a soft golden brown. Get those lamps on the lamps on the tbales, and design routes along major commuter ways so people don't have to chagne lines very often, but can sit back and relax on the bus ride instead of worrying about missing their line change.

And the same goes for the bus stops. There are so many bus stops that lack even the modest comfort of a bench. Who wants to stand in the burning sun or pouring rain while they wait for a bus that is probably oing to be late? Put in a few benches, and always make sure they're covered. Because even though San Diego has great weather year round, on a city street in teh middle of summer I guarantee you it is uncomfortably hot, and even though it only rains a few months out of the year, that it is still too many to make people stand in the rain.

And regarding the benches, lose the plastic ad benches. No good thing ever came of those. They are hidesouly ugly, scarring the streets of a city. If you need advertising revenue approach it with calss. Advertisiers can buy unbrellas or awnings for the stops, with ads limited to text. I don't want to see any more real estate angents on their phones at the bus stops!

Add cafes at major stations with many ilnes, but don't make ti a hot dog cart and vending machine, make it a real cafe. Even starbucks would suffucem though it is nothing like ar eal cafe since they only serve drinks and sweets, no real food. Go for the European flair, with simple items that can still make a profit wihile satisfying both hunger and pallete: a bageutee sandwich, fresh juice and salads, fruits that are fresh and flavorful. Add a flower stand and it's a done deal.

Springtime Trip to Europe

2007-04-06T13:43:00.000-07:00

My springtime trip to Europe: 3 days in Paris, 4 days in Barcelona, 8 days in Mallorca, and 1 night in Gatwick Airport

I spent a scant three days in Paris with one of my dear friends. But, though 90% unemployed and after six months without a penny's worth of work, she got called in at a school she is courting to try to get a permanent position. With that on the line, she couldn't say no. So, I met her for lunch (leek quiche and pear tart), went to her place to rest, we ate a vege-licious dinner of salad and sweet falafel.

I even went running the next day, for about 3 miles along the Seine. I met her again in the city for an evening out. We cruised around town, checking out a "creator" festival, and had the best vegetarian food in Paris (which is only pretty good) at Le Potager du Marais (the garden kitchen of the marsh). We went back to Mel and Stephane's to polish off a bottle of champagne and prank call old friends.

And then Saturday rolls around and I already have to leave. After being woken up by Stephane crinkling cellophane around the apartment, we get up (nixing the yoga we had planned) and have a lazy breakfast, including the gift of Tazo Chai with milk and honey, of course! We spend the morning shopping for cheese (I did find the fromagerie where I bought a decadent goat cheese log that was rolled in walnuts and had the essence of honey... I bought it again, one for me to take to Spain and one for Melissa as a thanks for having me), tea, and chocolate, and then I hop on the plane to Spain. Au-revoir!

A very long day later, I take a plane, a bus, multiple subway lines and a confusing walk to finally arrive at the hotel where Marshall is for his work event. But he is nowhere to be found. His phone doesn't work, there is neither key nor message for me at the hotel. I am waiting in the lobby, but I am surrounded by Germans and there is nowhere to go, so I hide out in the corner near the computers. I peek into the bar and see a group of men, but no Marshall. Finally I sneak upstairs after trying a call to him and watching them dial his room number. There is a note: I'm at the bar. I go back, and he is there (but certainly wasn't before). I go upstairs and he says he is about to go out with guys from Detroit. After a few minutes, I change and get ready to go. We have delicious tapas, go to an Irish bar (against my wishes, but better to be loud and obnoxious with foreigners and ex-pats than with Catalonians). We finally head back at about 5am. Marshall gets up a few hours later, but I sleep all day.

The rest of the time in Barcelona was basically like that. Dance all night, sleep all day. Actually, that's not true. We only went out dancing one night, but with the jet lag and everything, the other nights I couldn't fall asleep even when I tried, so I really did sleep all day everyday I was there.

I made it into town 2 of the 4 days I was there. One day I went to la routa de modernistas, and the second day I went to a bookstore and surrounding parks and interesting buildings. I even went running one day, for about 3 miles. This is actually pretty sad since I'm supposed to be up to some 6 or 7 miles by now, I'm sure. Then there is the gala dinner, a delicious feast of delights at a typical Catalan restaurant: pa amb oli (toasted bread with tomatoe and oil), a variety of fish, snails, paella, grilled vegeatables, creme catalon, and cafe. The next night Marshall and I went to see Cirque du Soleil's Alegria, and show about happiness with an undercurrent of terror. There was an amazing hula hooper with a rythm of 12 hoops on her body at once, and of course many many others.

And then Marshykins and I headed off to Mallorca. Our Mediterranean island vacation awaits... And we arrived in the rain, and got lost, and took a full day to complete a 45-minute flight and 1-hour drive. Of course add to that the 45 minutes we waited to sign the papers for our rental car because their printer wasn't working so they had to call the headquarter office and ask them to fax a copy over, and the hours of driving in circles in Palma not being able to find the freeway and in Alcudia not being able to find out hotel. And of course at the hotel they had lost our reservation so had to call the Internet office and see what went wrong. But we were here at last.

When I travel, I lose grasp of my little rituals, even though traveling is time all about yourself, I can't seem to keep in line the things that I do for myself. So I stop doing yoga, can't seem to keep up on my training schedule, and forget about meditating. Yet, still there is a thrill of travel that somehow replaces those to a large extent. The thrill is the escape from yourself, from your daily rules and rituals. That escape is both a solace and difficulty, ranging far to both ends of that spectrum at different moments and easily swinging wildly from one minute to the next. I eat up the culture with my inquisitions and also with my palate.

Anyway, after days of jetlag and uncommon sleeping habits, which as fun as they are in the short term I really dislike in the long term, and not making time to do yoga or meditate, I was just getting crabby.

Mallorca is a strange place, also. There are great amounts of charm to be found in the hills and coves, but the maps are unbelievable. I have never had guidebooks with such poor maps, and I had two guidebooks, plus a plethora of free maps from the car rental and hotels, and they were all terrible. The first two days were really harsh. Also, we thought the island was Spanish, but it's actually German. There are hundreds of German bikers, and all the signs and menus are in German.

We took one day to drive around the peninsula Cap de Formentor, which was beautiful, but the resort there (which is praised in the guide books as something to be visited) is closed to the public (and the guard a jerk), and the light house is under construction, like half the hotels in Alcudia. We also head up to the monastery where we see La Moreneta, and we thought we could hear the boys' choir, but it is Friday and a holiday, so they are gone for the weekend. That was disappointing (I never heard it at Can Serrat, either), but the drive was beautiful.

Finally, while looking for a decent map (not to be found on the island), I found a guidebook called "Walk and Eat." It was meant for me. There are half-day walks and excursions around the island, with restaurants en route. The walks are well marked and the starting points are all places that have signs pointing to them (like the train station in town X or the church in town Y). So for two days we take the hikes: off the beaten track paths, through varied terrains, and mostly loops.
And as we settle and adjust to the roadbumps, I start to make time for myself again. I do at least a little bit of yoga every morning, and my peace returns. We hike in Soller, Biniaraix, and Fornalutx, along ancient stone steps, and trails between citrus, almond, and olive groves. The next day we hike around Bunyola, passing limestone kilns, charcoal burning stone rings, ancient Moorish water wells, and through beautiful pine forests. Not to mention, caves and ancient houses and a few more orchards. All this hiking is going towards my marathon schedule as cross training.

On the drive back to our aparthotel, in Inca, we see a shop with Mallorcan specialties and buy up a bunch of produce, including spinach, tomatoes, oranges, olive oil, and artichokes. A delightful find! We ask at the shop and discover a vegetarian restaurant in Inca, which is quite good, and uses all local produce. I have stuffed zuchinni, marshall has sweet and sour seitan with a mediteranean sweet and sour sauce of apricots and figs.

And the day we return to the other guidebooks, disaster ensues. Not the whole day, much of the day was good. We drive to the coast, tour some caves. The caves are okay - they are beautiful structures that have been highly commercialized and completely destroyed from the massive amounts of tours that go through. It was overall disappointing, though they did have a classical music concert on gondolas in an underground lake, which was beautiful. I just couldn't get over the destruction.

And then we went to a glassworks factory, which was interesting wit ha great collection of worldwide glassworks, some very old. And then we head into Palma, where the disaster awaits. The signage is terrible and the maps are worse, so it takes us an hour to find the part of town we are looking for (although we did stop at the excellent department store grocery store El Cortes Ingles and stock up on food and gifts), and another hour to make circle back to the street we want since we missed it the first time, and still realize we can't turn onto because it's one way. I was so stressed out, and my bladder was so full it had bladder cramps - a first experience of that kind of discomfort, and an ensuing headache from dipping blood sugar. All because we wanted to try to the vegetarian restaurant, after the two hours, the place is closed. They are open 4 hours a day, from 1pm until 5pm.

We do find a delightful little wine and cheese bar just up the street. I can at least pee, we get our blood sugar stabilized and then are able to enjoy the charming, tiny little space, with hand crafted hanging lamps, subdued primary color painted walls, and the handsome and friendly Argentine waiter. The cheese platter had two semi-soft cheeses, plus a harder one with the outer edge crusted with rosemary (which grows wild here).

And speaking of cheese, here are all the Spanish cheeses I ate that I bought from a cheese shop or grocer (too many at the restaurants to keep track of).

A goat cheese that was the typical crumbly goat cheese texture in the middle, but gooey with a white powder-appearance on the outside, just like Brie.
A cured sheep's milk cheese that was hard and aged, something like Manchego.
A semi-cured sheep's milk cheese that was like that parmesan with those crunchy bits in it, except no crunchy bits in the texture. This was probably my favorite, and was from Mallorca.
A goat's milk blue cheese - seriously the "Stinkiest" I've ever had!

I am inspired to find a San Diego cheese maker. Are there any? Seems like they'd be at the hillcrest farmer's market, and they're not. I'll have to do some research.

Anyway, the next day we choose another walk from our prized book. Another great day, we abandoned hermitage up in the mountains, an old wine press inside of a cave, and some amazing trails through old fields and over cliffs, boulders, and old walls. We have fun taking pictures, and discussing whether or not I should write a head out to the plains (Se Pla), and park in a tiny little town, Santa Eugenia. We hike a loop, with a up and back off it, discovering lots of old and new homes with amazing views, an "Walk and Eat" book for San Diego, and if so what should be included.

Then we drive to a mountain town, where the clouds are hanging around and the wind is blowing, and we are so cold! But the town is adorable, as all the guidebooks have gushed. We walk around their monastery, find their church, visit the home where their patron saint was born, and just wander the darling streets. We eat a typical Mallorcan bun, cocas de patatas, which is a very plain sweet bun with powdered sugar on top (didn't taste like potatoes, I think it may be potato flour). Then we drive back to our hotel in the anomaly of the island we've sought out, Port d'Alcudia, the epitome of bad tourism. Still, our hotel was cheap and we have a kitchenette and we cooked up local artichokes and made salad and consumed another half bottle of olive oil.

Our second to last full day, we go driving, exploring the south east coast that we haven't yet been to. We go to both the mega resort town that is known as ugly and the mega resort town that is slightly reined in. They are both massive, but the reined in one is certainly more attractive. We drive to Botanicactus, a heralded cactus garden in the south. The variety is impressive, and the size of the park, too, but the maintenance is lacking. Cacti are diseased, ignored, in need of grooming. The walkways need grass and leaves cleared out and new gravel, and some cactuses even have age-old stakes tied onto them that are at this point cutting into the cactus. it is a bit reminiscent of the caves... so much potential for amazement, but a lack attention leaves us to disappointment. On the way back to our port, we pass a dairy and stop to buy some Queso Fresco. It is divine! I've never tasted anything so fresh! It doesn't have much flavor, it just tastes of freshness. It makes me think that I might actually like milk if I ever had it fresh.

The last day we got up early to find the roman ruins we had searched for on out first day and never found. It was a lucky combination of us getting half way decent directions from a shopkeeper (for once) and remembering the other halfway decent directions from day one that someone else had given us, and marshall remembering the directions in the guidebook (which we had forgotten to bring with us). With all three combined we could piece together that we go halfway down one road by the church, then by the next church we cut over the wall at the dirt lot and find the trail at the back and go in the opposite direction of the posted sign to find the ruins. And then we found them, a small amphitheatre from the Romans.

After hanging in the theatre, we headed on down to Palma. We forgot the umbrella, got halfway through our walk, took a cab to the car to retrieve the umbrella since it started pouring, had to stop for cash, then stop for change because the bill was too large (which took several stops...), get the umbrella, take a taxi back since we were on a tight schedule trying to get to the vegetarian restaurant before they closed at 5pm. The sun came out then, of course. But it did go back behind clouds and it poured. We finished the walk, a very interesting climb to an old castle and through various neighborhoods and down to the maritime road along the port, eventually running to get to the restaurant before 5pm. We get there at 4:30pm to find out... we remembered wrong: they actually closed at 4pm. yes, that's right, this restaurant is open THREE hours per day, and closed on Sundays. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

We tried to find an alternative and basically spent $17 on stale bread: stale bread and oil, stale bread and tomato, olives, and deep fried spinach. But it was mostly stale bread. We decide to try the vegetarian restaurant in our guidebook in the town neighboring out hotel-town. When we make it there, we are informed that the guidebook is several years out of date and that the restaurant is not only no longer vegetarian, it has changed names. We really weren't meant to eat veg that night...

We find a decent alternative, where Marshall has shellfish and cod (good and mediocre), and I have various incarnations of zucchini, tomato, potato, and eggplant, all delicious, but not worth the price tag of a $100 meal. However, I did make a friend with the hostess, and we made lots of jokes together in Castillian and she gave us free shots of hierbas (traditional digestif) at the end of the meal.

The last day of our vacation was the first day of travelling home. We pack up (luckily I woke up on time, because we never got the wake up call we requested), and on heading out the doors we decide to try to book a quick hotel for ourselves, in Gatwick and Barcelona respectively. I find a decent priced hotel, but can't find the phone number. The lobby smells of chlorine and this particular morning the sun is heating the glass walled space up too much and there is a large group of kids screaming and crying.

It is very stressful, and we suffer through the online bookings and searching for the number and finally rush out the door, 20 minutes later than planned. Of course we are about to run out of gas, so we have to stop. We get to the airport, turn in the car, and on our way to the check-in, when Marshall realizes he's forgotten his camera in the car. He runs back and I check us in. The women at the check in counter tell us that we better hurry, because it is only 30 minutes before the flights leaves and everyone is already on the plane; the flight is actually closed, but they are going to let us on.

We run all the way there, luckily security is very quick, and arrive sweating and waving our tickets. They stare at us like we're crazy because they haven't even started boarding yet. We board, the flight is quick. But in Barcelona Marshall is not feeling well. His fried cod has upset his stomach, and he couldn't sleep well. I get lucky that I can change my ticket to Gatwick, to leave at 6pm instead of 9pm (arrive at 9pm instead of midnight). This is great news. Marshall finds a hotel room (he didn't find one on line), and things seem to be set. We grab a quick bite to eat; we forgot a very delicious salad that we made from the leftovers of our Mallorcan shopping: spinach, arugala, white asparagus, green olives, blue cheese, and vinegarette made with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and a bit of brine. I was really looking forward to it, but had to make due with a baguette with mozarella and tomato.

The hotel I found as a last minute deal in Gatwick had a free bus, and they even have free wifi at the hotel (in the lobby). What a deal! I have to get up pretty early, but another set of good news is that it's an hour earlier here, so I wake up at 6:45, but it's really like 7:45, not quite so bad! They have no shampoo or lotion here (the two things I need), only soap. Also, the bed is pretty saggy and can feel the springs, but oh well. Can't have everything, huh?

I had for dinner, from this wholefoods-like store that was AT THE AIRPORT: orzo with slow roasted tomatoes (and spinach and parsley and onion), a yummy orange raspberry juice, and a vanilla yogurt (mediocre). Still, over all, pretty good for airport dining.

Things have been pretty smooth so far, and I hope this luck holds out for me catching the flight in the morning. If all goes well, I'll make it all the way back to the west coast tomorrow.

That's all from Europe. I'll be posting again from my international base of operations tomorrow, or soon after.

Improving the highways

2007-03-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

Here are some more thoughts on how to improve the transportation system in San Diego, or anywhere. Since we obviously aren't going to have massive public transportation infrastructure appear overnight, and since it will probably take many years for something like that to come to fruition, I have been thinking about how me might improve the system that we DO have in the mean time. My thoughts have been on function, aesthetics, publich health, and environment.

I haven't come up with much for function (see my previous post on public transportation for those thoughts), but for the other three I have a good idea inspired by Lady Bird Johnson. As you may or may not know, freeways produce corridors of pollution that hover over the interstate system for a width of about two miles on either side, causing increased risk of respiratiry problem for people (especially children and elderly) who live within two mile of any major freeway. For most cities, that reaches a great number of residents. Also children who attend school within those miles are also at risk, as school is where they spend so much of their time. And of course work within 2 miles exposes adults, though adults are at less of a risk of implications. Still, who wants to be haning out in the corridor of pollution?

The main idea is to line all the freeways with large, fast growing plants. This can mean trees if they are put in large enough to reach very high, or creating walls on the sides of the freeways that can be coered with thick vines. Bamboo would also do the trick as it grows incredibly fast and gets very tall. There should, of course, be an emphasis on native plants when possible, and always on low-water plants, especially in arid and semi-arid environments.

This would offer a sound barrier between the freeway and the rest of the world, and would also beautify the freeway sights as we drive down it. I'd much rather look at plants than fast food and gas station signs anyday. And from the city I'd much rather look at plants than a lines of speeding cars.

It would also offer the benefit of absorbing carbon dioxide and other pollution as it emerges form the highway. I don't know how effective this would be. I've never seen or heard of a study being done to this end. But I hypothesize that it would have significant effects in decreasing the pollution that would otehrwise spread out to the city.

Along these same lines, when the freeway is lower than the surrounding city, parks should be built over the freeway. Again, this would reduce noise, beautify the city and freeways, and this also create more public space. I know this is being done in San Diego; there is an existing park over the I15 in City Heights, and one planned over the 94 freeway in South Park.

And when the freeway is level with or even higher than the city, simply canopies could be built over the freeway to house lightweight native plants. These don't have to be built to support raods or people, simply a layer of plants. This owuld not only offer the benefits as the other greening options, but along with the parks this would reduce the heat generated on the freeways by the sun. How much more stressful does sitting in traffic on a hot, sunny day feel compared to a cold, cloudy one? Akin to the new movement in rooftop gardens to help regulate city temperatures, the canopies would provide shade to the freeway and the greenery would absorb heat, decreasing the temperature in the summer and overall regulating the temperature.

Pop Radio People

2007-03-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there are certain people in your life that get stuck in your head, like a bad song you hear on the radio, a song you really don't like, but you can't get it out of your head, and yet you can only remmeber a line or two.

Yes, there are people like that in the world. Sometimes there are people that you run into at the grocery store. Maybe they go through the line in front of you. Maybe they are standing in the doorway as you approach.

You have to guard yourself from these people. Put your head down. Pretend you are talking on your mobile phone. Go to a different line or a different door. But sometimes you just don't realize what kind of person they are until it's too late.

Just like the songs... Sometimes you actually enjoy that tune, that funny lyric, the sound of the singer's voice and give it a listen. Sometime you meet the person, talk, or laugh. And only later in the day, or maybe later in the week, or even months or years later, and you wake up with that song stuck in your head. Correction: That line, or that tune stuck in your head. Or you think about that person as you unwrap the stick of butter you bought that day, or when you drive by the grocery store.

And you wonder to yourself why this ghost keeps haunting you, why you give up precious real estate in your head for soemthing that makes you shiver. But you know deep down that the only way to get over it is to get some OTHER annoying song stuck in your head.

Running for Clean Energy

2007-03-08T20:23:00.000-08:00

Do you support renewable energy? Alternative fuels? Clean air?

Well, I do! And I know the key to changing patterns of energy consumption depends on two things: education and our children.

To support alternative fuel education for youth, I am donating the clean energy required to run 26 miles to complete the Rock-n-Roll Marathon in San Diego on June 3rd. Can you donate a dollar or more to support the 26 miles I will run? All donations support the San Diego EcoCenter for Alternative Fuel Education.

www.active.com/donate/ecocenter/Rock-N-Roll

As it turns out, for every $26 you donate you will be sponsoring one child to experience this amazing, hands-on education program.

As the former Program manager of the San Diego EcoCenter for Alterantive Fuel, I know how influential this program is in the lives of students. The EcoCenter doesn't just educate students, it empowers them! From the moment they leave, to their 16th birthday, and well into their choices for education and career, the EcoCetner leaves young people with a lasting impression that everything they do makes a difference and an understanding that a future of clean and abundant energy isn't just a possibily, it's a necessity.

www.sdecocenter.org

The EcoCenter currenly runs its program in only one location, San Diego. But long term goals for the EcoCenter include TEN alternative fuel education programs across California by 2010, and ONE HUNDRED alternative fuel education programs across the country by 2020!

Please join me in supporting this program in San Diego, so it can spread it's clean energy influence far and wide in years to come.

www.active.com/donate/ecocenter/Rock-N-Roll

On being conservative

2007-02-08T13:00:00.001-08:00

Conservation must be part of any plan to live sustainably. It's not the solution, but it's part of the solution.

I heard a discussion on NPR about whether or not the forest service should close off part of the park system in eastern San Diego County becuase an endangered bird nests there, but human activities, mostly off-roading, are disrupting the nest sites. I think this it is a good choice to close off certain areas of national and state parks to human traffic, at least for a while.

The park service (and other governtmental agencies, heck any organization whatsoever governtmental or not) does not always make the best decisions. Some of them are misinformed, some rushed, some pressured by outsiders (like, hmmmm.... lobbyists?), and others postponed. But this one makes sense to protect the endagered birds.

If we didn't have so much sprawl, we'd have more open space, and we wouldn't miss a section devoted to the species. But because we have such abyssmal urban planning in this country, our cities become suburbanous, and the beautiful edgges just keep disappearing. Everyone wants to live with a view of a canyon... Let's support urbanization so that we all can enjoy a view of a canyon, and not of sprawling cookie cutter homes, mc mansions or not.

Conservation is essential to preserving that view. Everytime we sprawl, we lose more view. What I don't understand is when consersatives stopped being...conservative. The so-called "conservatives" in our country think it's patriotic to spend money, go into debt, sprawl without end, and generally consumption over conservation.

I am not against growth and development. In fact, I support growth AND development. And I mean that in terms of economics, land use, industry, and everything else. But it has to be done the right. Smart growth includes conservation.

But it can be boiled down to a bumper sticker I saw once:

Conservation is more patriotic than Consumption.

My plan for transportation in San Diego

2007-01-30T21:44:00.000-08:00

The other day I was driving somewhere with Marshall; I don’t remember where; it’s not important. We were on the freeway, cruising along, and about five minutes into our drive we hit traffic. I really hate traffic. I absolutely lose control the moment I’m in traffic. It’s very unhealthy. He tells me to “Calm down. Breathe. You’re stress hormones are skyrocketing.” I proceeded to yell and scream back to him about how much I hate traffic. But then the traffic lifted, and we were at least moving again. I finally took a breath.

Then, to pass the rest of the time traveling to the unrecalled destination, I began to imagine a San Diego with public transportation that actually worked. A San Diego where not only I could take public transportation, but a San Diego where *everyone* WANTED to take public transportation. So, with out all the real-life limitations that a public transportation must deal with, I let my mind wander.

First of all, it would have to be nearly door to door service. I mean, we ARE talking about a culture in which people drive in circles around the parking lot trying to find a parking spot closest to… the GYM!!! Since it would be unrealistic to put trolley tracks in on every street, the first part would have to be some kind of massive carpool or vanpool.

This part of the system would be controlled by computer programs similar to the technology used in online mapping websites. The major difference is that the city’s program would also incorporate who was going where and when, so that everytime a carpool was possible, it would be scheduled. This would have to be very sophisticated software because people would want to not only plan ahead, but also be able to call on demand.

There would have to be protocol worked out for waiting. Would the vanpools wait at all? Would they wait up to 2 minutes? Anything more would be too much time for any other potential riders. Perhaps the van pool would wait up to 2 minutes if other riders were to be picked up by that van, but if no one else was on that scheduled route, then the van could wait indefinitely.

However, massive carpooling still isn’t realistic for riding across and around the entire city. So, there would also have to be lines of transit, for moving quickly to different neighborhoods. This would be basically what the current idea of public transportation offers, in San Diego or any city. You ride along a “line” and possibly transfer. This part of the system is independent of the citypooling. One could pay a line pass, or a pool pass, or both. The lines of transit would include all the existing trolley lines, and more that could be built as the funds are available. It would also include San Diego county train lines.

However, trolley, light rail, monorail, train, and other “rail” systems are actually very expensive. They are pretty unrealistic modes of public transportation for this reason. Buses are much more cost effective, and when done right, can be efficient means of transportation as well. It’s just that most cities don’t do buses right; they do them entirely wrong. In my plan for San Diego the buses run almost like a “rail” system – they don’t go into every single neighborhood, but rather act as connectors across the city. The buses would run on all major cross streets in Bus-only lanes, and they would also run on all the freeways, also in buss only lanes. There would be local buses and also speed buses. The local buses would stop at every currently existing exit on the freeway, but each local bus would have a short range. The speed buses would stop only at major freeway exits, where riders could transfer to a local freeway line, or a major street line.

Riders of the line system (including the rail system) would buy a pass for an area, the smallest being downtown, and moving in concentric circles outward. (Well, three-quarters of those outward moving concentric circles, as no rail lines would go straight west in to the ocean.) So, someone traveling just in the city center would pay less than someone traveling to the edges of the county.

The final portion of my plan for effective public transportation would be people power. The city would join forces with the Yellow Bike Project to distribute yellow bikes, free human-powered taxis, across the city. If you aren’t familiar with the Yellow Bike Project it is a group that takes donated used bikes, fixes them up, paints them entirely yellow, and releases them into the city. The populace is free to ride them from point A to point B on any given journey, and when the rider is finished they simply put up the kickstand and leave the bike in a conspicuous place for the next rider to use it. This would allow people going short distances, or those traveling along the line system, but not going very far from their line stop, to just hop on a Yellow Bike and get quickly to their destinations, without any wait for the citypool system. And of course it adds zero pollution and also improves public healthy.

In addition to the release of Yellow Bikes, the city would improve the bike lane system, making bike lanes that are separated with small medians from the rest of the road (for safety), and also connecting the existing bike paths in various neighborhoods to bike paths in other neighborhoods. This would transform the San Diego bike path system from it’s current state, which is primarily used for pleasure riding, into a comprehensive system that could also be used for commuting. Think about what a pleasant commute that would be!

Yes on Clean Energy

2007-01-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

Need I say more???

San Diego Blog!

2007-01-29T21:11:00.000-08:00

I have started to write for a San Diego travel blog.
Please visit the site and pass it on to locals and
visitors alike.  Be sure to check it out from the link to the right.

Please pass this San Diego blog onto anyone (and
everyone) you know in San Diego, near San Diego,
interested in San Diego, or just interested in supporting me.

Also, if you have suggestions on what to write about,
please let me know!

My blogger page, "The Other San Diego," was my original
idea of posting about all my favorite SD places, beyond
the beach.  It is now is basically a dry run for what I
post to Hotels By City.   The HBC interface is not user
friendly so I post it up to blogger and then cut and paste
the whole thing, but they have lots of traffic, so better
for me to get advertising revenue.

Education, Economics, Culture...

2007-01-29T21:10:00.000-08:00

This post has been moved from an obsolete blog page. It was originally posted in August 2006.

I am dedicating this blogspot to the collection, preservation, and organization of all the things I will do when I rule the world.

As I am still quite young, you can expect these thoughts to be a bit naive in the beginning. I expect it will take at least 17 posts before I have enough experience to really know how to rule the world.

For this first blog dedicated to when I rule the world, I have composed some thoughts from conversations and emails I have been sharing with friends lately.

Being unfulfilled is really terrifying to me. I just see myself, how I was borderline happy with my last job, imagining if I stayed there two, three, four years. Okay, maybe the organization would have grown; it was small and very likely I could have done different things, and that would have been fine. But if I had a job that was borderline stimulating in a BIG company/organization that was stable and not expanding, and I could be guaranteed to be doing something very similar for years, then, Yes. That is a horrifying thought to me. Other people are fine with that, others seek that out. But I'm different. And the fear of doing something unfilling is defintiely behind it, and is a big deal to me.

It does seem that if you have the level of comfort to be able to consider everything, then you are able to. More about where you come from as an individual than this (our) generation. Although I do think that as a generation, we are very priviledged and have a problem with entitlement. Weddings are a good example. Weddings are so extravagent and I think most females of my generation really feel entitled to having some big hoopla. We don't have to worry about money as much as our parents, and definitely not our grandparents. I mean, the last time an *entire* generation had to go without was our grandparents. And our media promotes this idea sa part of our consumer culture as well - look at TV. All the TV shows have well off people who live extravagently and lots of time off.

There are many interpretations of security and it's realtionship with money. Although money is an accepted way to show value. Like in The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins, he says money is a formal token of "I'll scratch your back later." So, while I want to do something fulfilling, I don't think I will be fulfilled unless it I can also have a reasonable financial compensation.

Except the system has been warped by people who find ways to make lots of money for doing valueless things, like the futures market. It's completely made up, and contributes nothing to the world in terms of REAL things, like the basics of survival, nor any kind of cultural expansion.

America as we know it is at risk. However, I don't think that working all the time is important to whether or not America remains as great as it has been, in terms of opportunity, innovation, standard of living, etc. And now that I'm in Spain I think it can be a little too extreme. They take too many holidays here. But we don't take enough in the USA. I think we can all have 4 weeks vacation and have a great economy. Perhaps better because people would be more productive with more relaxation time. I also think a 36 hour work week - with that half day rotated throughout the week for people who aren't as lucky as some and have to work very regular 40 hours weeks - would really improve the standard of living, allowing people to make appoitnments, run errands, etc., on their half day during the week.

I think the real problem is pretty much exclusively in education. Our government has gutted our education system, and it has no funding. Take 10th of the military budget and spend it on education and we will still have a military budget many times larger than the second biggest, and we will have a renewed education system. I think educatoin is SOOOOO important. I think a marked increase in education funds and also a change in the eudcation system are ESSENTIAL. And it is such a cheap way to invest in a country. I mean, the turn around on that investment comes fullfold in 16 years. You send a kid to school in kindergarden, and they go to college, and they're out and well educated in 16 years. Do that for an entire generation, and Voila! An educated workforce emerges. Education fixes teen pregnancy, STDs, drug problems. It can even fix environmental problems if the edcautaion addresses it, and there is an intersting bill that passed CA senate (created by Pavley) last year that does just that, but it's not obligatory for schools to use it. Also, education keeps people out of the labor pool for longer, reducing unemployment.

I also think our military budget is, like shown in Farenheit 911, a major soure of the violence in America. Our military budget is like 10 times Russia's, the second largest. If we cut ours in half, we'd still have a massive military, and we could give a quarter back to the people in tax breaks (not to the wealthy, but to the poor and working class), and redirect the other quarter into education, arts, and science (non military science), and urban renewal like the CCC in the 1940s. Think about what great cultural development we would gain replacing war culture with humane culture.

I do wrangle with the idea of being priviledged. I think the privildeged are obligated to give back. I think I do. I think I am generous and kind and inspiring, so I don't worry about my privildge too much. I also know that others are so much more "privildeged" than me, in terms of money. But I am lucky becuase my family is so great. Some with money have a very unhappy family life. I also know that many many more are poor than rich, but even without money you can be privildeged with a happy life. However, you have to have the basics, and even in USA there are many who don't.

Obviously I value travelling as well, and think it is important to be exposed to other cultures through travelling, travellers, education, museums, and any other form. I think Americans could benefit from being more exposed to other cultures, not necesarrily travelling for everyone, but through studying or some other means.

I wish I was better at Spanish, and I always have hopes to learn even more, other languages. And I just had a conversation with someone about how to really know a language, you have to know a culture There are so many cultural references, that even if you know the words you still won't understand. There's a woman here from the USA who moved to Scotland and has been there 5 years. She said for the first several years she was completely an outsider because she didn't know the culture.

I am going to continue to ponder the thoughts on my place in the world. More to come soon...er or later.

On my place in the world

2007-01-29T21:08:00.000-08:00

This post has been moved from an obsolete blog page. It was originally posted in August 2006.

Here is an excerpt from What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson that I found particularly honest and interesting.

No matter how realistic the stories were that I'd found, there was no doubt that I had a slant. Why was I bent on encouraging people to change their lives? Because I've watched my generation stop reading books, stop reading the newspaper, stop voting in local elections? Because I've watched money/salary become a proxy for respect, and then a synonym for respect, and then the only kind of respect that counts? Because I have seen us judge books we have not read, politicians we have not heard, musicians we have not listened to, referendums we have not debated, and fellow citizens we have not met? Because I have sen us torn apart by jealousy for what others our age have accomplished, rather than celebrating those accomplishments? Because I have seen us glorify those who make decisions over those who enact decisions, prefer being a consultant to being fully engaged, being an investor to being invested in, being an adviser over being politically involved, being an expert over being partisan, being a news analyst over being a news gatherer - all in fear of the inflexible boredom of commitment?

This excerpt addresses a lot of fears of mine, and presumably of my friends who also struggle with what to do with their lives.

My friend Leslie is a PhD in biophysics, but everyday she dreams of volunteering at planned parenthood, going to medical school, making a lot of money, working with people, getting married and having a kid, or otherwise changing her life.

My friend Nell has a law degree from UT, but she has worked at Home Depot and then the water authority for Austin, and dreams about photography school or becoming a vetrenarian.

My friend Tamara has a biology degree and is now a psychic and is about to leave the country for South America.

I got a degree in biology, then I got an MFA in poetry, then I got a job, and now I've quit to learn Spanish in Spain. Or to write in Barcelona. I'm still not sure.

Why do we struggle? What is it we're looking for? Why does doing what everyone else is doing seem so vacuous and horrifying?

We're not secure. Money won't give us security. It's about something else. I don't really know what it is about though.

Doesn't it seem like there must be more than just money? something more than financial freedom and security (because that's the only kind of freedom and security a job brings - in fact one guy in the book said his pinstripes were his jailcell, really displacing the idea of salary freedom)? More than owning a piece of property? More than having kids and a mortagage?

Work defines so much of a person's life. Most jobs require 40 hours a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but still,
that's so much time! There are 168 hours in a week. Say you sleep 49, work 40; that's 79 hours left. If you
commute, that takes up at least 3 hours, for many more like 7 or 14. You're left, at best, with about the same amount of free time as you have work time, and into that free time goes bill paying, grocery shoping, running errands... you know all this. Either work less, or make that work worth something more than a paycheck. But you also have to survive, adn that requires money.

I think it plagues women more than men. Most of my male friends simply go get jobs, make money, feel
secure, and don't question it any further. Men seem better able to think linearly, and are better able to compartmentalize their lives.

Me and said friends are all amazing, smart, beautiful, talented, creative women. We could make money if we wanted to. We could get married and have kids if we wanted to. We could do anything we wanted to. But we don't know what to do. We are
encumbered by opportunities. We are jacks, not aces. We don't have a home.

Adding another layer is often a sense of guilt associated with our searching. We have lived privelidged lives. Again, it wasn't like everything was handed to us on a silver platter. We had to work hard, make decisions, make sacrifices, but we all got a running start by coming from healthy, secure, supportive families. So, what's wrong with us? Don't we apprecciate what we've had? I don't feel these guilts so much anymore, but I certainly have in the past few years.

I"m letting go of the guilt. Life hands you a set of cards, and you do what you can.

But some of us feel like we're on a quest. Choosing the road less travelled isn't always a choice, I don't think.

The book made me think of my struggle with this question . On one hand, I think that all our experince eventually adds to something greater, even if it's just some little tourist stop along the way. So, sometimes I thought you should just do whatever you could do that was stimulating and that you could learn from.

We, you, I should think of the Big Picture, and the place you can really use all your skills. But this book also talks about how no one that he interviewed had an epiphany where they sat up one time and knew exactly what was perfect for them. It was more a tug in this direction or that direction, and experience along the way. But then one thing a friend said months ago that was disharmonic with me at the moment, and has stuck with me, was that you shouldn't have to do the things that you don't like, and I totally disagree. All jobs have parts that are boring or uninteresting or whatever, and that's just part of life, and it also challenges you and you learn just as much from doing the things you do like as doing the things you don't like.

I have been considering a PhD for the past, oh, 15 years.
A phD should be carefully considered.

It can kill one's spirit, and the passion for the thing you are studying. I've barely written 10 poems since graduating with my MFA in poetry over a year ago. But it's all a pendulum, and I am doing other writing, and am sure poetry will resurface sooner or later.

Well, I just finished WSIDWML?, and that paragraph got my mind racing.

In general, I'm not worrying about it right now. I am about 2/3 of the way through a month of reading and writing.

I was a little worried I would get bored. I like having a lot of things going on. I have had days that I thought I was bored. I miss my arts and crafts and garden. But I am finding other ways to entertain myself, like developing my plans for when I rule the world, and then making a blog about it.

Basket Case

2007-01-26T17:49:00.000-08:00

Or maybe I should not turn back. Maybe I should move on.

Forget anchors. I’ve thought about them enough. Forget eggs, though I didn’t give them the attention I thought they deserved; they haven’t been good to me. Except to say that they did lead me to my next image.

Baskets. Bread basket. Easter basket. Fruit basket. Basket case. Basket of goodness. Going to Hell in a hand basket. Picnic basket. Waste basket. Basketball.

Oh yes, the potential is exponential. Why put all your eggs in one basket? My eggs, all my precious eggs, they deserve more than just one stinking basket.

What is a basket? A basket is a place to hold things. A basket can hold all my dreams, my desires, my thoughts, my feelings. This blog is a basket, a basket for my eggs.

It’s a way to carry things. I have a basket on my bike. I can begin commuting to work (when I get a job, I mean) and carrying my briefcase in my bike basket. My briecase holds my computer, which is like the egg of my thoughts.

My basket of potential is huge. I am all over the board with experience. Though that makes it harder to go in a straight line into some job or another, it makes the fit all the more perfect when I arrive. I must make sure that all my eggs arrive intact. I can’t go trying to force myself to fit into just any old basket, because then all my eggs will break.

So, here I am, always spinning in circles: Am I thinking in eggs, or am I thinking in baskets? What started out as such as brilliant idea has broken into a pool of yolk. I think I’ve thought too much.

So, as the L said last night: It’ll all work out, so just forget about it.

Eggs vs Anchors

2007-01-26T12:58:00.000-08:00

My eggs are in one metaphorical basket right now – an environmental analyst/biologist/ecologist position at a firm in Encinitas. . Imagine me hiking through southern California collecting data and writing amazing reports and saving lots of endangered plants and animals! Yes, I know. It’s perfect.

Makela, who works there, really enjoys it - lots of field work (i.e.: hiking), a laid back office, rewarding work. So, keep your fingers crossed for me. I had such a good feeling for the first few days, although I was in the nervous waiting period after turning in my resume. . . !!!

But those first few days have passed now, and despondancy is setting in. I turned in my resume and cover letter exaclt one week ago at 1:13pm last Friday. (I did that for luck becuase in 24 hour tim it's 13:13, my lucky number on my lucky day.) And by all estimations (mine, Makela’s, the other girl who applied and got an interview within a week), they should have contacted me by now if they wanted me.

I called yesterday, and the HR Guru didn’t answer. I hung up on her voice mail, not prepared to leave a message.

I called again today, and left a message. Being nervous, I scripted my dialogue beforehand in a clever way that would allow the lady to reply if she answered or allow me to read it consecutively if she did not. She did not, and I read, and when I hung up I realized I hang up quite quickly and should have also reminded myself in all caps at the top of my script:

BREATHE. READ SLOWLY. PAUSE AT SENTENCE BREAKS WHETHER OR NOT SHE ANSWERS.

But by that time it was too late; it was all over.

I’m giving up the egg metaphor now. It has done proved me wrong. I’m going to re-frame the whole job-hunting thing. It’s not about hatching an egg. It’s about dropping anchors.

Back to Biology

2007-01-12T14:46:00.001-08:00

I laid down the other day and eventually took a nap, but while I was laying there I was thinking about all kinds of things. In my half comatose state I was really imagining what it would be like to work as an environmental analyst. You see in all my hunting for an income (i.e.: job), I was also trying to help out a new friend look for a job. And in the process of connecting one scientist to another I was reminded that I, too, am a scientist, and how important that is to me.

The job in question is that of environmental analyst.

Makela wrote:

You would be doing a lot of whatever people needed and would have time to figure out what your interests are. All year long, we have a contract with Southern California Edison to monitor tree cutters working up in the mountains and that is where a lot of people start. It is low pressure, but you could be gone a few days per week and get a good intro to sensitive plant and animals. That is a 4-5 hour RT, with some driving time once you're there. Then, during field season we need people to be in the field A LOT. That is when we are gone 4 days a week twice a month or so. We stay on-site and rent a house or stay at the Hilton in Santa Clarita. We go up early Monday and home late Thursday. You get burrs in your boots (and once or twice in my BUTT!!) and have to wear snake chaps and a lot of sunblock ALL DAY. There is also a fair amount of writing the reports that say "this is what we found, this is why it is significant, and this is what you need to do to mitigate impacts to this lil guy".

The question to ask is would you want to do this kind of work? Would this fit with your long term goals in some way? They are going to invest a lot of time training you and it takes a while to really understand this industry. It's kinda complicated at times. Learning the plants and animals takes time and a real interest in it. It doesn't happen, at least for lugheads like me, unless I work at it. But I really *WANT* to know this stuff, so it doesn't seem like work most days for me. I would want to see you do this only if this was one of your passions that you wanted to explore for a while to see how it felt.

It involves essentially helping developers develop property. We can talk pretty about what we do, but when the rubber hits the road, that is the boiled-down essence of our jobs. Our paychecks are from Dudek, but Dudek is funded almost exclusively by the development industry. We joke that we are "biostitutes". We all work very hard to help the developers follow the rules, and Dudek is extremely ethical because our reputation is on the line if we aren't. But at the end of the day, that industry is our bread and butter.

But enough about Makela, back to what I'm thinking:

Damn morals are always complicating things, aren't they? If you really think about any job a lot, it always leads back to something unpleasant. Especially in a country driven my military-industrial complex. But that's discussion for a different day...

So, what does it mean to help developers follow the law? It is a question of how implicated in the economic system one can be, and where is one guilt free, and the other guilty. Even at the EcoCenter for Alternative Fuel Education, the whole time I worked there our funding came pretty much exclusively from one generous donor who made his money… selling cars! And, yes, they were gasoline cars. All of them.

I have been thinking about my future a lot lately, and where I want it to go. I like to work hard, but I like to be the boss even more. So that led me to think I should start my own business. This is not a new idea, it is one I have had since I was a child. And lately I’ve been thinking about what I *could* do, perhaps even more than what I want to do.

And then suddenly there was this little thought: I could go back to science. I have been going down this other path for nearly five years, and I didn’t ever stop to think that I could back up, and go down the path I was on before. I consider myself a biologist, an ecologist. But how long can I really claim that if I am out of the field? And what part of myself will I lose when that claim is no longer accurate?

Eggs are the new anchors.

2007-01-07T22:26:00.000-08:00

Last week I was in a yoga class and the teacher had us all sitting at the very beginning. She talked about how it was the beginning of the year, and many people make resolutions, and everyone think about your resolutions for a moment. Then she asked us to concentrate on one resolution to hold as a focus for the class, and then to come up with a visualization for that goal/focus.

Well, I thought about more than one resolution, as I always make plenty. First I thought about how I plan to incorporate small, easy habits into my life that will improve my health and quality of life (such as drinking lemon water, drinking green tea, chewing my food thoroughly, etc.) Then I recalled how I want to find a career path, and explore it, and succeed with it. I am open to the career, but I want it to be a good fit, and so I have had my feelers out about that lately, and it is a goal for this year. Then I visualized...

an egg.

And now I am obsessed. Eggs are the new anchors. Eggs are so rich with meaning and interpretation: new beginnings, fragile/strong, potential, life, nest, nurture, creation, earth. The metaphors go on and on.

And eggs always remind of something the sailor once said, "Unfulfilled Potential." There is life inside an egg, protected by a stroung shell. but it must be nurtured, protected from stronger than shell forces, kept at just the right tempurature for that life to emerge, else it is just unfulfilled potential.

Tea Dreams

2006-12-23T21:03:00.000-08:00

I love the idea of owning a cafe, and there are
several incarnations of tea selling that use different
business models.

The shop that started my fantasies was a "tea shop" -
in store everything was free. The gave away free
samples at a bar next to the entrance: all the teas,
and even little cookies. It was brilliant. A
customer that came in for 15-20 minutes of sampling
inevitably spent 15-50 dollars on tea and accessories.

This seems to be a much better model than a cafe, which
I would guess average $5 per hour per customer. Of course
you need a place with high traffic, which means high
rent, especially in San Diego. Still, roping people in
with a bar and tiny tea cups for free samples is
brilliant because everyone knows that the free samples
are intended for paying customers and almost everyone
complies. At least in the 15 minutes I sat at the tea
shop in San Francisco about six customer left the tea
bar during that time, probably five of which spent
that minimum $15.

Then there's the typical cafe, or in this case a "tea
house." This is definitely the one that pulls in
dreamers and destroys them, and it is tempting. It's
live music, open mics, a place for people to gather.
I can hang my artist friends' art on the walls, it
will be cozy and magical. And will require a huge
investment in both remodeling whatever space I lease,
and very high rents in order to be in an artsy-fartsy
area, with ample foot traffic and/or ample parking.

But after I move from thinking about a "tea shop" to
dreaming about a "tea house," I am terrified of the
initial investment and the high rate of failure for
restaurants, and then I start thinking about a
coffee/tea kiosk in a business park. There are so
many corporate buildings in SD, and many of which I
know are lacking the kiosk on the bottom floor, and
which, if a space could be rented, would be
guaranteed a captive, paying customer bank of the many
many offices. But then I think, after feeling so
secure about the initial investment compared to
potential profit, there's not much satisfaction in
that. And I'm back to square one.

So then I started thinking about soup restaurant...
but it also requires a huge initial investment and is a
food business, which is inevitably risky. And I'm
stunted again.

Then I think, maybe I can get a few kiosks going, and
they can be my income while a tea shop or tea house is
just a fun little project...

Travel vs. Sustainable Living

2006-12-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

My question to myself is basically how I want to
change the world, and what is the most realistic. I
was thinking about all my friends and their
values/priorities. I want to find a way to live truly
sustainably, or pretty damn close, but in the city.
So my real problem has only to do with how I can
enable myself to live that way while remaining very
much plugged into a city. I feel like another city
(not SD) would allow me to do that a little easier.
But I don't know if this is realistic.

Also, regarding economics, I am torn here as well
because I want to be financially successful, it's really
important to me, yet I don't want to be part of the
military-industrial-complex. Impossible in the USA, I
know, but I want to be part of a business or even
better start my own business that is really
conscientious, and shop at the co-op and support other
"triple bottom line" businesses. So, again, if I
wanted to be orthodox in my economic values, I should
leave the country or drop out of the economics system,
but I don't want that life, so I have to find a way
around this problem by making my money and spending my
money with businesses that have morals. I am thinking
about getting a green MBA. Maybe not for a few years,
but I think I would really enjoy it and I think it
would help me attain the goals that I hold for myself.

And I hate car-culture. An occasional drive I don't
mind, sometimes even enjoy, but daily driving and
commuting is awful, but driving to the grocery store
and everywhere on a daily basis, I hate. I want a life
where I can walk to the grocery store and walk out to
dinner and walk to run errands, and take public
transportation, and just drive occasionally. So, beyond
getting an electric car (which is muchmuchmuchmuch
more efficient and therefore sustainable), I just
don't want to be driving on a regular basis.

I guess shooting for 90% attainment of morals would be
okay with me. 90% of money interactions with
triple-bottom-lines, 90% sustainable, etc. That's
kind of where I aim for vegetarianism these days
(like, you know, if a soup has chicken broth I'll eat
it, an occasional piece of seafood when no other
options are present, etc). BUT, right now I’m SOOO far
from 90%, and I don't know how to change it. In SD,
it's impossible to really live without driving, so I
drive all the time.

I wonder if my ideas are attainable, and if I am
strong enough to achieve them. It would be easier to
just forget them and get "a job" and live my life like
everyone else, but of course this would kill me and I
don't want it, and I wouldn't be happy, and it's not
realistic to imagine this as a possibility. So, then,
how do I move from thinking about my ideas and values
to LIVING them? I don't know. It seems nearly
impossible sometimes.

And I think another city might change that or make it
easier, but I don't know. And sometimes I just think
I need to get a little more experience and
perspective, but then when will I know when the time
is right? And sometimes I truly believe that I'll
just "know" when the time is right, and I'll move
forward, and until then I should just learn as much as
I can and extend feelers in different directions. But
how ling do I wait for the feeling to come?

And I also know that I've lived a pretty privileged
life, and I truly believe that the world can support
most of the population with a high quality of life, if
we went about it the right way. Urban revival and
community solutions are in the answer, but how does a
non-developer move these into play? Also, can I
really think that I'm living my values when I travel
all the time and fly tons of places? I mean, I think
travel is important and valuable, but can the world
population travel like I do? No. So, then, which
should take precedence? Living sustainably or
traveling? I value both, but they are inherently
contradictory, unless you travel by sailboat or train,
which I do not do.

Commissurotomy: A Separation of Thought

2006-11-27T12:06:00.000-08:00

Right-brained and Left-brained. Science and Myth. Logic and Emotion. Creation and Destruction. Male and Female. Specialization and Generalization. Wisdom and Ignorance. Order and Chaos. Analysis and Synthesis. Pairs of words that represent a way of thinking. This way of thinking sees the world through a perpetual state of double vision: although the way of thinking is single, the views produced are double. It is a world that can see only one side of any coin, where each person must choose her side. And, though she knows the other side exists, it is difficult, perhaps nearly impossible, to see both sides at the same time.

It seems the United States (and likely most other “Western” nations, by which I mean nations whose primary political and social structure is founded on pillars of belief that arose during the Enlightenment) are suffering from social commissurotomy. We do not know how to communicate between our two selves. Engineers and artists cannot understand each other, though they aim for the same societal goals. It can be argued that any group of constructive peoples would work towards improvement – of society, culture, the environment, etc. It would be illogical to assume otherwise. Is it not, however, illogical to believe there is only one means to reach those ends? This is precisely what society seems to be saying. Each school of thought seems to believe their methods, their goals to be the Truth, the only truth.

This separation of schools of thought leads to a disjointed worldview, which does not allow the natural healing between differences to take place. One problem with modern science is it hyper-focused, fragmentary appraoch to the world. This does not imply, not in the least, that specialization is not an important part of modern science. It does, however, imply that even the most advanced specialist needs to be open to other worldviews, other cultures, other approaches, and allow them to exist on their own, in peace.

"Western science has evolved a cosmovision very different from all other human cultures, though it has now become the one most influential in the entire world. Its most obvious divergences from other cosmovisions lie in its seeing life and consciousness only in Earth's biological creatures, and in its narrowing of 'reality' to what can be tested and measured scientifically. This excludes from its reality gods, soul, spirit, dream experience, thoughts, feelings, values, passions, enlightenment experiences, and many other aspects of consciousness beyond their physiological correlates." (Sahtouris, Elisabet. When Worlds Converge. 2002.)

Here we see how this narrow-minded kind of specialization can become unhealthy when it begins to push out of the range of vision the possibilities of other beliefs. It is not to suggest that each realm of study is not important in itself. Artists would not be able to create beauty or inspire social change if their works were not refined and powerful. Doctors would not be able to produce healthy bodies through surgery if they were not highly trained in their skill. Pharmacists would not be able to heal the sick if they did not understand the chemistry of their trade. Architects would not be able to create beautiful and functional buildings and structures if they did not understand the dynamics of design and the importance of urban landscape. Still, the problems arise when one group in society gains an extreme amount of power and influence over other aspects of any particular society and over other societies in entirety. This is the point in which a worldview becomes dangerous, when it has the power and momentum to obliterate all other worldviews. The Greek concept that what is good is beautiful and what is beautiful is true sets an example that may help to ease the division in ways of thinking. This alignment of good, which can be equated with morality, beauty, which can be equated with art, and truth, which can be equated with science, allows to see a world in which science and art are both true.

Seville is a yellow city.

2006-11-10T19:18:00.000-08:00

Seville is a Yellow City. I don’t know what that means exactly, but it keep popping into my head, exactly that way, “Seville is a Yellow City. Seville Amarilla.” Of course the exterior meaning is obvious, and that’s why I had the thought in the first place. The buildings are yellow. Not all, of course, but the majority. If they’re not actually yellow, then they have yellow trim, or yellow tile. Even the whites here are slightly yellow. And it’s not a dirty yellow. It’s not a city that’s gone yellow. This city is intentionally yellow. Even the sunsets are yellow. The pinks and reds are confined to a very small part of the sky, way off on the horizon. But above the city, as the sun is going down, the sky turns yellow, bright and yellow. This is reflected in the river, and on everyone’s faces. There is a happy glow at sun down, relief as the sun disappears and the heat can slowly dissipate.

Seville has a special light that has inspired artists of all kinds for centuries. Hemingway, Wells, and Rillke all vacation here annually. This special light is both literal and figurative, and it touches people in different ways. For me, it has carried me out of my United States reality into a land of golden things like sunshine and olive oil. This light has turned my days here into an odd thing, strings of moments like a golden necklace. I sit on my bed in the apartment I have rented for just one month, and the late afternoon sun flickers off an on against the wall – the setting sun is being covered and uncovered by sheets hanging up to dry on the building across the narrow street.

After dark, the lampposts glow yellow. This is common, as cities try to reduce light pollution and allow people and telescopes to see the stars above. But in some cities the light is a harsh yellow, almost orange. Take San Diego for example. It’s a dangerous yellow that turns on at sun down. The yellow is the same yellow as the stoplight yellow. I’ve always wondered how this doesn’t cause more accidents. But in Seville, it’s a soft and warm yellow, reflecting (or reminding one of) the summer night air.

After dark, the city comes alive. I can’t speak for the winter. I haven’t lived a whole cycle here. But it’s September, and while it should be fall by now, global warming has allowed summer to linger a bit longer than normal, and I’ve been able to know the Seville summer nights. During the day, the streets are quiet. Even during the morning rush, the siesta rushes, and the evening rush, it’s a quiet and slow rush. The heat drains us all, and while we are happy, we exert no energy beyond the basics. This all changes when the sun starts to bring the yellow sparkle into the sky. As the lampposts flicker on across the city, people begin to emerge form their homes, refreshed, breathing a sigh of relief from the days heat. And as the night spreads open, the city and it’s streets wake up. All hours of the night are safe, as people of all ages, young and old surprisingly included for my American mind. Soccer games in plazas and people helping their abuelos down he curbs surround bars and restaurants as families and friends enjoy their greatest meal of the day.

Seville reminds me of Austin, also. It’s about the same size, a little under a million in the city proper, a little over a million with the surrounds (the suburbs, in American). The river flows through the middle of town. The trees drop yellow flower petals and leaves that have dried up into yellow crisps from the heat and drought. People like to exercise here. Its possible, in fact unavoidable, to sweat, and one feels cleansed from it. They take strolls along the riverbank, they are out in the river in kayaks and canoes and crews. Unlike much of Europe, people go running in Spain and Seville. They exercise for their health and for fun. They exercise in the yellow days and the yellow nights.

On my way to and from Spanish class each day I pass by a milliner’s shop that I have never once seen open and a post office that still maintains records in large logbooks that are stacked three deep and to the ceiling along a wall.

Of course not everything is a happy yellow. On my daily walk I also pass a woman who lives, during the day, next to the door to the social security building, and at night she lives on the doorstep, under the eave of the door to the social security building. She has two very large suitcases wrapped in cardboard, and two very, very large black umbrellas. She sits on more cardboard between the boxes, and hides behind the black umbrellas. She must stay this way all night. During the day, when the social security building is open to the public, to serve the people, this woman left behind moves her huge boxes and umbrellas about 15 feet to the north, just out of the way of the door. During the day, she alternates between sitting behind and between her belongings and standing next to them fanning herself in the heat. She wears the same sky blue dress with Seville yellow flowers printed on it, and a simple gold wedding band.

My dreams are yellow here as well, when I can dream. The nights are a bit hot, especially without a fan, but I am a passer through, and they don’t have cheap things in Spain like we do in the USA. The cheapest fan I’ve come across is thirty Euros (about forty US Dollars). For really just a few hours of use, I have decided I would rather sweat it out. I have a threesome every night – I snuggle up with two gallon-sized bottles of frozen water. Even then I can’t sleep the night through. I wake up from the heat nearly every hour, preventing me from dreaming. But sometimes I’ll sleep a dream length stretch, and my dreams are yellow when I have them. Soft and warm and slow, where normal things unfold like feathers falling from the sky and I feel clean and I forget the ghosts of the city, or perhaps join them. I catch up on sleep in the afternoons. I’m not sure why I can sleep for three hours straight in the heat of the afternoon, but not in the night. It is a strange thing about hot nights.

Eventually I have gotten used to the heat, and I am able to dream again. And the yellow light permeates my other world, seeping through the open window, shining on me like a sunray, brighter than the moon, which appears white compared to the yellow nights.

And even, finally, summer seems to be relenting, letting go a month later than usual, and while the days are still bright hot yellow, the nights are transforming into a cool yellow. Lightening can be seen on the horizon, yellow, of course, and the slight breezes sometimes make it through the winding streets and up into my window at night, and my dreams of ghosts and home and yellow flowers are kissed with the relief of fall, and I imagine the leaves of the trees turning a lovely shade of yellow as the city moves into it’s next phase and I dream of returning to my own co

Granada is a fruit.

2006-09-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

Granada.

My arrival in Granada was warmed with a package waiting for me at the school when I picked up my keys. Marshall had done me a great favor by mailing me a sports bra, because I did not pack one and could not find one that actually offered any support when I searched in Barcelona. I’m sure they exist in Spain (they must, no?), but I could not find one. Along with my beloved bra, he sent some of my favorite treats. I’m sure I looked like a bag lady making my way from school to apartment, with my back pack, my purse, my computer bag, my canvas bag with a rolled up linoleum square sticking out that looks like carpet, and the package. When I arrived at the apartment, the key did not work, but a nice old man let me in. But then, the paper did not have the apartment number. And it was a fairly big building, probably 6 stories. I could not try my key in every door. I asked the old man if he knew if there was an apartment with students. He said in the building two doors down. I looked at my paper, but it definitely said #2. I felt like crying. I’d gone form happy bag lady to homeless. I dropped all my bags and sat down on the floor while I dug around… I had two papers with the address of my apartment. The other said #4 and included the apartments number, the old man helped me carry my bags to the next building, but my key didn’t work there either. I was really hungry and tired. But the old man tried the key and it worked. He was an angel.

And when I got to the apartment, it was actually clean. My flat mates are friendly, and there is water in all the faucets! All the time! I was happy again.

If I’d known everything I know now, I could have stayed in Spain a year, which was one of my options. But I already bought my ticket to Paris, and things have unfolded the way they have. But we can never know what we are going to know, so those kind s of thoughts are worth spending much time on. In fact, I generally dismiss them immediately, although the surface often. I was never certain I’d stay a year, although I always felt like I should; it was more the idea of this trip somehow being a “success” than really thinking I should or shouldn’t. But then I realized I don’t know Spain. And, I resolved in the time before I left to just always do what I want to do, so if I want to go I should go, and if I want to stay I should stay, and if I want to return I will return. So, I consider this my scout trip.

If I had come here first I would stayed. But I am going to live here someday, for at least a year, within the next five years. I would like to buy a Carmen up on the hill. A Carmen is like a villa in the city, a house with a garden on the hillside. There are also houses that are built into the hills, like hobbit homes, or caves. One of these would also be okay.

There are a number of journals and residencies that I am going to apply to when I return. I am going to apply for a Fulbright, with a similar project as the last time I applied, but in the Donona instead of Estonia. The Donona is a big National Park here with lots of wetlands. Also, I am going to apply to PhD programs in Ecocomposition this December, to begin in September 2007. I am excited about all my ideas, and I hope that I can turn them into reality when I get home.

It has been kind of hard for me to share a flat with so many people, most of whom are younger than me. The age is not really the difference, but they are all kind of aprtiers, and also they always speak English. While I thought I might come to Spain and party I really haven’t felt like it, and since I do what I want when I want, I haven’t partied. If the people were a little older or spoke Spanish or a little more quirky, maybe I’d feel like it, but things are what the yare, and I have just eaten a lot of chocolat and churros and skipped the discotechs. However, the biggest problem is that most people don't think about the shared space the same way I do. I prefer to not impose in the public area, that way it remains open to everyone. But it seems that others fill the space, mostly with noise. Whether it is TV or music, they fill it with what they want, when they want, without considering the others. (Because even though I am an advocate of doing what you want when you want, I am an even bigger advocate of consideration.) And most people certainly aren't as sensitive as I am, but the intrusion of TV or unwanted music is really hard on me. Also, there is so much furniture in the flats! This is probably normal for most people in the USA or Europe, but I like to have some space somewhere where I can spread out my stuff when I am working, or stretch myself at some point in the day. This does not exist in the flats. This makes it hard for me to feel as good as I would like, physically, which of course then affects me mentally.

But, it is interesting to experience this, after the peaceful and spacious existence at Can Serrat. It is good fodder for Ecocomposition - the affect of environment (immediate as well as general) on how we compose.

There is so much more to write, but I don’t want to give a chronicle of my every move. Well, I kind of do, but the thought seems a bit narcissistic and / or compulsive. Instead I’ll just write a few of the more interesting moments.

I went searching for the park of Garcia Lorca, where his parents had a vacation home and spent a lot of time. It was a fun adventure. I went too far, a little confused by the map, and ended up in the country, on dirt roads and surrounded by cornfields. I t was really beautiful, and the day wasn’t too hot, so I think it was better than going to the museum. Later I told the director of the school here and she said the museum is boring, that the y say “Here is the bed where he slept,” and “Here is the notebook he took to school.” I figure walking around in the country is more like what he experienced, so it was a better day for me.

One treat is that there was a cooperative grocery store across the street from my flat in Seville. I didn’t realize this for the first week. It is only open a few hours a day, so when I finally saw it I was about to leave. I bought a few things, like organic raisins, almonds, figs, and kefir. The real treat, though, was QUINOA! I have searched and have not found this anywhere here until this delightful little shop. I bought some quinoa, and decided to wait to open it until Granada because I didn’t want to transport it while it was open. I have bee in quinoa heaven since I arrived, eating it everyday!

A few days ago my flat mate made himself some coffee. All the cups were dirty, so he used a glass pitcher that was cup-sized. He poured the coffee, let it sit a few minutes, and was tending to the coffee pot when the entire pitcher exploded. It didn’t crack; it didn’t break. It literally exploded. Shattered bits of orange glass and coffee spewed all over the entire kitchen. It was truly bizarre. He was pretty foul over it, because he’d only slept a few hours the night before and was really looking forward to that cup of coffee and the coffee pot is single serve, and class was going to start, and he had to clean up the mess and leave with out his coffee. I found the phenomenon fascinating.

I am most looking forward to: my very own comfortable bed, taking yoga classes, eating quinoa whenever I feel like it, and having access to all my hats, shoes, and clothes.

About Seville

2006-09-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

I am in the city, but not near the bumping part, which is good because its actually quite quiet (after midnight), but annoying because the groceries are 20 minutes walk, not so fun with bags, but oh well.

The school is also 20-25 mintues away (the program told it would be 15-20, but it's not. I was late to my first class, and also missed the evening event (it took me nearly 30 miutes to walk here this evening - walking slower in the heat and with my laptop than in the morning without it).

I do NOT have Spanish roomates - they are all in the school and all speak ENGLISH!!!!! It's actually two guys 18 and 19. The 18 y.o. is from Holland and obnoxious and speaks no Spanish. The 19 y.o. is German and very sweet and speaks fluent Spanish, but still speaks English to me even though ask him to speak Spanish. But he has been here a couple weeks and has told me and the other new guy where the grocer is, etc. and had a job ehre and just seems quite mature (esp. compared to the dutch boy).

The apartment is a dump. There is no f*ing water in the kitchen. That is just ridiculous and apparently there hasn't been any for 3 weks. I already complained and they told me it would be fixed today or tomorrow, but apparently that's what they say to everyone. I told them if there wasn't any water tomorrow that I need to change apartments and they agreed. The German guy can't change apartments, but he's on some program that made that decision, not the school. But tomorrow cam and went, and it's still "manana." You can change "manana" or the water will be fixed "manana."

There are also cockroaches, and dust bunnies, and the only plug in the bedroom is falling out of the wall, and the only fan
(which we take turns having at night) doesn't even fit into the plug. There are different sizes, but the same voltage. In fact, there are actually some American plugs in the apartment, which is very odd.

There is of course, no AC, and apparently it is unnaturally hot for September, and it is really f*ing hot. God damn global warming. Seriously. I make jokes, but it's so true. I take 3 showers day. Cold.

The only good thing is that I paid for a shared room and I dont have a roommate this week, but I expect one next week. Still, there are two beds and one is bigger and much more comfortable and so I'll get that one for both weeks. Poor girl. >:)

Thoughts on Happiness and Independence

2006-09-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

Credit given to Leslie Lou, without whom this post could not have been possible.

We work, we have kids, we do whatever, and it’s not that great, but we like life anyway

The sailor mark said something one time that was profound (just once). He is still in my dreams sometimes (still totally banal). But the thing he said is that life is a whole lot of waiting around in between a few really great moments.

I don't know if life has to be that way. I think we can be happier than that.
We can be happier than that, but what is happiness? I think the point is that we don't have to have great wonderful things happening everyday to feel satisfied. We don't have to travel or see the Eiffel tower or be rich to be happy or satisfied. Yet I feel obligated to do things that I have the opportunity to do...

I need more structure too. It's hard for me to do things, because everything I do seems disconnected. I think I'm stuck in wanting to do big things, and nothing seems big. I read a quote by someone, who said something like that. We should just do things even if they seem small, and we will accomplish something.

I always find making a plan is assuring, even if it changes everyday (and it usually does).
But maybe you need to get over your attachment to success? I think that it’s something related to your desire to please others. I don’t think you really care about success. You just want satisfaction, which it doesn’t seem like money will bring you, but rather being close with people.

Well, if you're miserable everywhere then you're depressed and you'll have to make lifestyle changes until you fix that imbalance. But if you're miserable form your job then you have to choose another path. I don’t know whey you’re miserable there. It’s not about what you "should" or "shouldn’t" feel - that's pleasing something external! It’s about what you DO feel, and how to feel the best that you can.

One thing from What SIDWML? Is the idea of an "inner circle” that sits in judgement of your actions - who are you trying to please? Parents? Former colleagues? Teachers? Siblings? Spouse? High school friends?
Your inner circle should be YOU. And maybe your closets friends and family who want nothing but happiness for you, but even then you have to be careful because sometimes they think money or something else is what you need when its not.

I’m very careful and paranoid about people stealing my ideas, so I don’t put anything up that I’m working on in any other way (business, essays).

You know, I'm basically on my own. I've been having trouble dealing with that. Sometimes it's good, to feel independent and on my own, and other times, I feel like there is no one external, and I'm all alone and lost. I came to Spain to be on my own, but I’m not really succeeding. I'm probably going back to live in my parents house in SD!

Whatever...there no such thing as independent, except maybe hermits in the woods.
What's so great about being on one's own? We all need other people.

So, the result is: I'm torn.

I don't really want to stay in Spain. It's nice, but I think I'll be lonely if I stay. I need places like People's or Wheatsville, and they're not available in Spain. But if I return, I feel like I'm giving up a chance to be fluent (even if becoming fluent means
being lonely for a year). I mean, I can continue to study Spanish, but studying for 4 years has resulted in limited ability to actually communicate, so it's not the same as staying and living. And I wonder if I'll regret returning. But then it will also be much more easy to get things done in the USA, like applying for PhDs or fellowships or whatever. Even here it's so hard to speak Spanish... everyone at the school speaks English outside of class, and everyone in the shops speaks English. So how important is it for me to learn Spanish? It's easy to argue that it's not important - I can live a perfectly happy life without speaking Spanish fluently, of course. But it's also kind of embarassing to be monolingual, especially here because everyone speaks English, but so many are from other Eurpean countries.

So, what should I do? Stay or return?

My Last Week at Can Serrat

2006-08-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

I am at the writer's residence, and it's great, but all in English. International, so that's the common language. Norwegian is the second most common. Seems odd, but the residence is owned by Norwegian artists. No one's first language is Spanish. Well, one guy was born in Chile, but has been living in Norway for 30 years. I try to speak with him, but it's so easy to lapse into English when both are better at it.

So, now I'm wondering, why did I come here? Not a regret kind of wonder, but really, what was I seeking? Just to get away? To write? To learn Spanish? Now that I'm here I really can't remember what I was thinking. I think it was to learn Spanish, but now tha I’m here I’ve been focusing on my writing. It’s easy to forget.

Where should I go? Should I really try to get an apartment and stay a year? Should I just travel all over Europe and spend all my money and go home in a couple/few months? If I get an apartment, will I be able to get good at Spanish? What if my mates aren't ever home? What if they are mean? What if they are dirty? What if they are stupid or annoying? Would it be better to find a language program? My grammar is REALLY rusty. I kind of think that maybe I'll just stay a month or two, and take a program. Seems like formal study would be better than just hanging out. Plus, I don't want to be idle for so long. I like structure. I really like to be busy, and it's hard here because I don't have a printer for applications/reading stuff, I don't have any of my craft stuff to keep me busy either.

I miss my life in SD, but I wonder if I go back if I'll be unhappy again. Maybe if I just go for a few months and choose something else to try. I am not really stressed out, but all these thoughts are definitely on my mind. I have less than a week left at the residence, and I know it’ll go fast.

I miss the USA. But I haven’t spoken Spanish at all. I kind of want to go back, but like I said, will I just be unhappy all over again? I miss having a car, even though I hate driving daily, it's nice to have on occasion. I miss health food and health food stores and natural products.

I’m focusing now on the next step from here... feeling like things are not falling into place as quickly as I’d prefer. So, I’m trying to breathe deep and trust and manifest.

The beastie boys are no gurus, but they have really good line: "let it go, let yourself flow, slow and low, that is the tempo." I start more meditations with that than I’d like to admit. Is there a term for pop-meditation? Kind of suits me and my wackiness, I guess.

What I have planned for now is to spend two weeks in Seville and two weeks in Granada, attending language school in both places. After that, I will meet up with some friends of the family who are in Northern Spain (from Australia). I went to elementary school with the two boys in Texas, and I will travel with the parents for a few days up north.

Language school is much more expensive than just getting an apartment and kicking it, but I think I will enjoy my time better and get a lot more out of it.

Besides, I’m too old to live here on the downlow. I’d rather study up, return to the USA, and move here legit, with things all worked out, with a job, a destination, a visa… and an income.

Barcelona Travelogue - Week 1

2006-08-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

This place, Can Serrat, the residence, is amazing! It took a subway, two buses, a plane, and two taxis to get me here (and quite bit of money), but I feel so welcome, and the sun was setting when I arrive, and it is just beautiful. I hope I can get a lot done, and everyone sems to be really dedicated, so I think that environment will help.

The food is already WAY better. I arrived at the end of dinner, and while it was based around a meat dish, one of the directors is a vegetarian, and everyhitng else was totally delicious and SO FRESH. And even in the Barcelona airport, they had a fresh squeezing orange juice machine, and I bought a teeny little glass of orange juice for 2.6 euro (I was confused at the time and thought it was almost 5$, but thought it was the best five dollars I'd spent in Europe; it was really only about 3.5$). It was so good and so appreciated after all the refined fried food in Romania. And I didn't even savor it; I practially chugged it. It was still so delicous and wonderful.

Back to Can Serrat... It's a lovely little magic place in the foothills of Mont Serrat, 45k from Barcelona city proper. Everyone is friendly, but most conversation is in English (bummer!). So, I'm barely practicing my Spanish, when I can convince someone to speak with me (and don't lapse into English myself), and no Catalon (that part is okay with me... I still need to get the hang of Spanish before I pick up another langauge!). So, I think after this month I will go to another city and move into an apartment with someone who speaks only Spanish. It seems like the best way.

And the writing.
I have lots of really good ideas for... essays! of all things. And a really great idea on how to compile them into a book. So, I think I'm going in a good direction. Writing this month... and then focus on Spanish.

The food is amazing! I arrived at the end of dinner last night, and I had salad, and potatoes. Today for lunch we had Paella (I'm eating seafood, even though I'm not a big fan). The rice part was good, but the langostinos and shellfish... well, I'm thinking they may grow on me. I'm still avoiding poultry and mammal.

Then we went out to dinner at this awesome place called Vinyanova. It's absolutley in the middle of nowhere, down
a maze of dirt roads, in the middle of an olive farm, and it was packed. The ambience was something any american restaurant would strive for and never acheive: it's an old farm house, with rustic tables, and old brick walls, and candles, and baskets of imperfect tomatoes as centerppieces. It's the essence of Catalon.

There was potatoes, eggplant, red bell peppers, bread, salad, ceviche, and cured meats as appetizer. Then meat, corn, and potatoes as the main dish, but there are two vegetarians so they made us both a little plate of divine garbanzos with raisins, slightly sweet, another kind of small bean, a little patty made from couscous (I think), carrots, mushrooms, and teeny baby eggplant (totally different than the appetizer) It was all so simple, but so flavorfull. Then biscotti, raisins, hazelnuts, and muscatel grape wine for dessert. Then coffee and drinks afterward. It was so delicious.

A few days ago we went to a little town a hour and half away, with lots of Roman ruins. It was interesting, but poorly planned. I was hot all day, then got hungry, then got wet in the rain, and then really cold. And I only ate junk because I wasn't in the mood for real food in the afternoon, and thought we'd be back for dinner (as this is what I was told), but we didn't get back until like 11pm. I was pretty grumpy, but the town was really interesting, and I saw a lot of cool old stuff: buildings, ruins, and some great museums.

I finally took a trip into Barcelona on Friday. I was enjoying being settled before that. I saw a fun market where I had kiwi juice, half of a crazy fruit that was like a hot pink kiwi in a stragne shell, and fresh coconut. I went to the contemporary art museum. And then I went to this culture museum with an amazing exhibit on Chernobyl. I spent hours in the exhibit and was really mvoed by it. I twas really well done, extensive, with lots of photos and lots of text.

I have been planning more trips into Barcelona for the next few weeks. There is so much to do in the city.

In the mean time, though, I am really enjoying reading and writing. I am coming along on 8 essays, and plan to submit at least a couple of them at the end of my month here.

Romania Travelogue

2006-08-25T13:41:00.000-07:00

The Translvania Artfest was a strange thing. They call it a residency, though more residencies are devoted to working, and this one only had a few days free to work (writing and painting, mostly, and one installation artists who works with fabrics, so can sew).

There were several days of activies, like seeing Bram (Dracula's castle), and then a weekend folk arts fesitval that this residency is designed to coincide with. It seems like it owuld be all kind of medieval costumes and stuff, but there are much more goth-angst teens. More people selling nick-knacks than crafts.

There were supposed to be 12 artists in attendance, but 5 couldn't come at the last minute. So, there were 5 of us (all
women), two from England, one from Singapore, but who is living in Swizterland for 6 months right now, and a French woman who is living in Amsterdam, and me. The other two are men from Romania, one who is the organizer. Everyone is incredibly friendly.

The idea, I think, is to mostly be inspired, and to discuss, and make friends, and then have our work be inspired. In the 6 weeks following, the organizers ask everyone to send work to them to put on the website.

***

I didn't really make any strong connections during the residency, and then i was by myself in a foreign land after being around new people. I was little sad/homesick/lonely my last couple days in Romania, but it was laso really refreshing to be totally on my own schedule after a week of trying to live on a group schedule. I was never really sure what was going on.

Yesteday I was in a little "town" on the black sea called Efordie Nord, but it was awful - just crowds, and sprawl, and cheap souveniers. Now I'm in a bigger city, but older and much better. Constanta. Ovid lived here, and died in a nearby former village, now named Ovidius. I'm glad I came. It is not black, though, but maybe kind of dark.

Bucharest did not seem like the "Paris of the East," but probably would have a hundred years ago. Thhre was so much amazing opulance from that time period in Bucharest and here in Constanta, but it was all stunted by communism and the scars remain.

The food in Romania was not so good, and if there is good food here, I certainly can't find it! Of course I don't know where to look, and don't speak the language, so that makes it hard. Except the cheese. They had good cheese in Transylvania. But in the city I can't find the good stuff.

I keep thinking about those kinds of disapointments... For example, everywhere I went there was terrible music (all western pop artists), and the food was not good at all and kind of the same everywhere, and there was always loud noises, either construction or bad music blasting, or both. I try to correlate it to someone who just wanders into SD, or even who has a SD guidebook. Where would they end up? The gaslamp downtown, or PB, or OB. What would they find? All the terrible places, like Typhoon Saloon, or Hooters. What are the chances of someone happening upon my favorite places, like Jyoti Bihanga, or Cafe 976, or Beauty Bar, or even Whole Foods? Not very good chances.